My letter to the Editor printed today - Invest in People, Not Prisons.

I was in shock when I read that Scott County was going to use $5.5 million of Covid relief money to help build a new $17 million, 40-bed Juvenile Detention Center. Covid relief was meant to help individuals, businesses, and the community that were negatively impacted by Covid. It is unethical to use these funds to build a detention center. This is a manipulation of the law to continue the school-to-prison pipeline that disproportionately suspends and arrests African American youths.

Scott County supervisors even turned down a $500,000 grant to start a youth advisory program to help struggling youth. Let us invest Covid relief money in our community. Let us use it to provide affordable child care and housing and summer youth jobs. Let us invest in community resource centers, such as the Lincoln Center that serve our community. These types of investments are not just an act of prevention to divert juveniles from prison, but rather they are an investment in the inherent worth and dignity of every person.

We need to do this because otherwise we are depriving our community of the richness of each person who does not have the opportunity to live up to their potential. I invite our community to have the courage and will to create a better way of living that sustains everyone in the community. Allow all people to reach their potential and we will all be enriched. Let us support our youth and families, not incarcerate them.

My Journey on Silent Retreat

 On my day of silent retreat I thought I would take a stroll around the monastery grounds. When I started out it was raining fairly heavy, so I decided to read. After reading for two hours I decided to go again. As I walked out of my hermitage I came upon this statue.

I continued to walk along the path in front of me which I knew led to a lake area. It was a winding path down a hill. There was a nice breeze blowing, and there were wildflowers all around

I finally reached the lake which had a cement walkway around it. I walked slowly around the lake and came upon a dock.

I wondered if I should sit and ponder the water, but I thought best to continue the journey. I thought I could always come back to it on the way back. Let that be the first lesson. Take your opportunities when they present themselves. They may not be there when you decide you are ready and you may choose something else later. Sometimes you have to stop the journey to enjoy the moment in the moment

So I continued on. I walked until the cement path ended about half way around the lake. I thought I might make it all the way around. But alas that was not to be. I imagined this as my journeys end, I decided to wait a minute and sit before I headed back to my room. The journey had seemed a bit like a labyrinth, although it did not have any set pattern that I knew in advance. After a few moments of watching the lake water ripple, and listening to the birds chirping, I raised myself and headed back.

Sometimes our lack of imagination is what limits us. I imagined this was the end. Yet it was only the beginning. I just didn’t know it then. In the regular day to day life it might have and often is. Looking back, this was a lesson that we should imagine more. Imagine things beyond the proscribed path.

 The best part of taking time for myself, is that it is unscripted, and I leave myself open to mystery and adventure if I am willing to embrace it. And as I winded my way back along the lakes edge I reached the dock once again. I thought, should I go sit down and ponder the lake from this angle before I made my way back to my room. At least here I thought I am communing with nature. And then I looked left. I do not know what compelled me to look left. Perhaps randomness, or just taking in the sights, but I saw a mowed piece of grass between the wildflowers

 

 

 Now in the picture you can see t here is a sign “trail”. But when I first saw the path from farther back I did not see the sign. I thought it was odd that there was this mowed area. Perhaps it led to a storage shed or to another property. It was not clear from where I was that it was a trail. Still I moved forward. I had seen what was to be seen on the proscribed path laid out before me, and although peaceful, it clearly did not satisfy me, and so I thought what is the worst that will happen. I will go a distance, and I will have to walk back. So I went off the proscribed path and lo and behold I saw the sign path. I didn’t look that way coming since I was focused on the lake. And on the way back, the sign was obscured by bushes from the direction I was walking. In our lives there are signs. However sometimes we are too focused on other things that we miss them. Let that be a lesson to  us that we should take a broad view of everything around us that is within our field of vision, (literal but also metaphorical) Let us intentionally look for the signs that are placed right before us beckoning us. And so I journeyed into the unknown. And as I was wondering whether to walk down this path, a large breeze came through and it seemed to me that the trees were waving at me inviting to enter the woods.

 

And so I ventured downward into the path through the woods. It was darker in the woods. I actually found this peaceful. I walked gently and slowly noticing the flowers and tree limbs. Some broken off by the storm. As I walked slowly I listened for the sounds of the woods and I heard a rustling and I looked and saw a deer leaping away. I thought no need to run, but I imagine, deer have learned to fear humans and for good reason. So I just watched it bound away and appreciated its beauty and ability as it went on it way seeking safety. I noticed butterflies flirting around. Its amazing how much is going on in the world if you pay attention. And then I came to an old rickety bridge. It didn’t look too stable, but it was stable enough, and not that far a fall even if it couldn’t hold me. There I am, always calculating the risks. At times necessary, but we need to take risks in life if we are to grow. Bridges have great symbolic meaning of course. Crossing over from one place to another. Not just physically but metaphorically. Once I cross over, I am in uncharted territory. A bridge is a signifier of crossing over to new territory. Not good or bad, but a marker. And also it is just something that prevents us from getting wet or falling into water. So bridges are protectors as well as borders.

And so I travelled on. Not knowing where it would lead. And with each step, although logically I knew I could retrace my steps back, each step plunged me deeper into unknown territory.

Each step seemed to take me deeper into the woods, into the unknown. How would I get back? Would I be too tired or weakened if I went on. Would I get lost. What happens if it starts raining while I am out here. But still I walked on. I think it is like that with our spiritual and religious lives. We are comfortable where we are, and we wonder why should risk comfort. Why take risks. But as I kept walking down hill, I just had faith and trust that the journey would work out. The Robert Frost poem “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” came to my mind. Although it is not snowing. It is dark and deep and quiet. I am aware of how quiet it is lacking normal human noise. I feel committed to this journey so on I go.

 

 

I feel as if my faith has been rewarded as the path leads back uphill and I see an opening with the sun starting to break through the clouds. As I reach the top of the hill. There are three paths to choose from. There is a sign that says Monastery pointing back from where I came from. So this is another moment of choice. Just when we think we have reached where we are going, things are not always so clear, and we continue to have to make choices. I would like to imagine that all three of these paths circle around, but there is no way of telling. I played a little game in my head. Left means I have left for good. I wasn’t ready for that. Straight ahead would seem like I was just following directions, and my life has never been just a straight march in one direction. So I chose right…maybe for righteous?? Well and also my sense of direction indicated that should be the way back to the monastery – it was starting to drizzle and as much as I like a good adventure, I really did not want to get soaked. Another thought crossed my mind, that perhaps by being deep in the woods covered by woods I was protected from the rain. So going deep can protect us from the difficulties we face in life. So I went right. Uncovered now from the torrents of weather and life still searching to find my way.

This path led me down again into some darker twisting and muddier paths. It was at this point I had wished I packed my sneakers instead of a pair of loafers. Also a good lesson, we should learn from our experiences, and maybe better prepare when we are going on a journey, but when there is nothing to be done to change the situation, regret is useless. I will have to clean my shoes when I get back.   Nothing is ever simple or straightforward on a unknown journey. There are obstacles along the way, whether that is downed trees or people telling you, you shouldn’t or couldn’t do something, or worse telling ourselves that and short circuiting our journey. And sometimes our journey gets muddy. That is how life is. If we stop every time something goes wrong, we would never reach our destination. We need to keep moving, one step at a time

 And then the moment of truth. An hour into my walk I come upon this. Another bridge with a yellow tape across it. This immediately seems like a symbol to turn back.

What was I to do? I had been walking for close to an hour now. And although I had no idea if the way forward would bring me closer to my destination the thought of turning back now seemed daunting to me. Plus I am not one for following arbitrary rules.

I think it is like that with our spiritual and religious journey as well. We get so far and then we societal conventions or rules tell us to stop and go no further.

I chose to move forward. I looked carefully and saw there was a hole in the wood further on the bridge. So I decided to look as the yellow tape as a warning. Something telling me not to abandon my search, but to go slowly and be careful. So I gently stepped over the tape and walked gently over the bridge avoiding the pitfalls that could damage me. A good message that we do not always have to go full charge ahead. That we should be aware of the dangers we face on our journey. I was glad that someone had forewarned me to be careful in this place. How we view things are often shaped by what we believe and perceive. I saw the yellow tape as stop go back, but it was meant as a way to help make me aware of danger. We should not stop our journey, but rather  become more mindful of the steps we take, and learn from those who have walked this path before.

And not too much farther down the path, it opened up again to the sight of the monastery I was staying in. This gave me hope I was in the right direction. Yet there was still not a straight path. I had to choose right or left. Remembering the mind game I played before and feeling bad that I connoted left with a negative thought and thinking of all my friends who are left handed who would condemn that thought, I chose to turn left and started the steep incline back up the hill to the place I call home this weekend.

 

 

And lo and behold, as I made it to the top of the path, I found myself next to the path that went down to the lake (notice the statue in the background) This path was right by my hermitage, but I had not even seen it. And so I made it back to where I started. I am reminded of the lines from the T.S. Eliots poem “Four Quartets”

“What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.”

I don’t know where this journey will continue to lead, but I am clearly still on the path. Yearning for something still unknown. Still looking for the better in humanity, Still looking for justice. Perhaps we just need to become more aware and not take the proscribed path and take a walk into the unknown, if we can awake and see that it is there. Sometimes we have to go all the way around the block to go next door. If that is what it takes, so be it. And enjoy the journey along the way. Ok, back to reading.

Thanks for journeying with me.

 

The Beautiful Things That Heaven Bears – By Dionaw Mengestu

A nice, sad, poignant novel, that tells the story of an immigrant from Ethiopia. I was sorry for it to end, so I must have liked it.

The title of the book comes from a quote from Dante Alighieri's, "Inferno"

“To get back up to the shining world from there

My guide and I went into that hidden tunnel,

And Following its path, we took no care

To rest, but climbed: he first, then I-so far,

through a round aperture I saw appear

Some of the beautiful things that Heaven bears,

Where we came forth, and once more saw the stars.”

The book shares the interior life of immigrant and store owner Sepha Stephanos who came to America to escape the violent revolution in his home country. He explores the hopes, dreams others have for him and he has for himself. The pull of the world and people he knew and always feeling as an outsider in the new world he inhabits. His relationship with a wealthy white woman and her daughter in their gentrifying neighborhood, and his store,  are interposed and intertwined with the experience of an African Immigrant in America.  What I liked most about the book, is that it touches on the full gamut of real emotions, whether admitted or not. We see the way his mind works, the secrets he keeps, and the realization of how we understand events over time to be different.  

Emblematic of their life journey, his friend is writing an epic poem about Africa that is never finished. Forced out due to violence, with hopes and dreams and a feeling of obligation, that sometimes makes it  seem their life is not their own. The ending of one of the poems is

“We have come this far,

to find we have even further to go

The last traces of a permanent twilight

have faded and given way

To what we hope is nothing short of a permanent dawn.”

And eventually that is boiled down to

“Let us stop. Let us begin again.

Let us clean the blood from the rubber fields

And do what we promised to do.”

The story shows the journey through life and his realization of his realizations for better and worse.

“We walk away and try not to turn back, or we stand just outside the gates, terrified to find whats waiting for us now that we’ve returned. In between, we stumble blindly from one place and life to the next. We try to do the best we can. There are moment like this, however, when we are neither coming nor going, and all we have to do is sit and look back on the life we have made”

It is a good reminder to focus on what kind of life we are making. Life is ongoing. 

 

The Unthinkable

 From the Heart Of The Minister - The Unthinkable:

In between my five zoom meetings Wednesday, I spent a part of day glued to my phone switching back and forth between my Facebook, Twitter and New York Times Apps. First, I was waiting to hear the final results of the Georgia Senate runoff. Then I was wondering what Pence and the Republican Senators would do in regard to certifying the election. I had no doubt what the outcome would be, but the concerted actions of the President, Vice President and certain Republican Senators to undermine the integrity of the elections still worried me about the future of our Democracy.

Unitarian Universalism believes in the free and responsible search for truth. We should remember the responsible part. There was a responsible search for election mistakes and fraud and there was nothing of significance found. No evidence was ever presented to the courts that indicated anything wrong. If anything we know Republican controlled states tried to suppress democratic voters. Even so Joe Biden won both the popular and electoral college vote by significant amounts. That is the truth.

The ongoing statements by the current President and Republican Senators that there was widespread fraud and he had actually won the election despite having no evidence created an atmosphere that led to yesterday’s coup attempt on the Capitol Building.

As Unitarian Universalists, “we affirm and promote the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large.” The attempt to overturn the democratic vote of American citizens and the attempted coup is criminally seditious and immoral and against my religious values.

I do not understand why there was not more protection or a plan of action to defend the Capitol. We had known for weeks that there was going to be a pro Trump rally on that day. President Trump encouraged his followers to attend and even tweeted in advance encouraging people to attend and writing “be there it is going to be wild”. I would be remiss if I did not compare the preparation for this event compared to the preparation for the Black Lives Matter Event in DC this past spring to protest the death of George Floyd. At the spring event there was significant National Guard troop presence. There were aggressive and violent action taken to remove Black Lives Matter protestors, and there were a significant number of arrests. There was none of this on display this week as these insurrectionists took over the Capitol Building. The only logical conclusion I am left with is that the lack of preparedness was due to the issue that was being protested. White Supremacy was being challenged after the death of George Floyd and the government wanted to eliminate that challenge ruthlessly. This pre-coup attempt rally was in support of white supremacy overturning the will of the people and the government didn’t seem to think that was a risk.

The election of a Jewish Man, and a Prophetic African American Minister as Senators in Georgia which gave Democrats control of the Senate was another visible sign of the changing nature of the shift in power in our country away from white dominance. This fear of the loss of control and power exacerbated an already excited crowd at Trump’s rally. In fact, Trump incited the participants saying with the Senate in the Democrats control now, his Presidential Veto was the only line of defense to protect them. He had lost the election and was still trying to convince his followers he had won.

Rudy Giuliani in his speech the day of the insurrection encouraged the crowd that there should be “trial by combat” and in a speech that followed, the President after wishing that the Military and Secret Service could join them, encouraged his followers to walk to the Capitol and said “you’ll never take back our country with weakness. You have to show strength, and you have to be strong.” And then the unthinkable happened. Since he had no legal way to overturn the election, at the Presidents urging, his followers attempted a coup of our government.

So what do we as Unitarian Universalists here in Iowa do about this?

First let us be happy that in the end the coup failed and that Democracy is still standing if even tenuously. Let us continue to vociferously reject attacks on our Democracy.

Second, let our actions be guided by our values. Unitarian Universalist values of the democratic process should have us insist on getting the John Lewis voting rights act passed so there will be an end to voter suppression and gerrymandering, and an end to corporate funding of elections so that the will of all the people will be heard. We need to strengthen our democratic processes.

On a national level and as well on a local level.

Unitarian Universalist principles ask of us to act for peace, liberty and justice for all in a compassionate and equitable way. This requires us to see the overt and systemic racism that is embedded in the events of the last week and the last four and four hundred years. I encourage everyone first to become more educated about these issues and to get involved in our community to work to end the white supremacy culture of violence, power and control that were brazenly on display this week.

We all have fears. I am fearful of losing our democracy.

I am also fearful because people I know are suffering.

Suffering from COVID 19 or the loss of a loved one from this disease.

Suffering from the lack of empathy of our fellow human beings including governmental leaders who will not even wear a mask in public or distance themselves let alone put in place policies and procedures to mitigate the damage.

Suffering from medical issues without adequate or affordable health care and facing the lack of available medical care including mental health care.

Suffering from loss of work due to COVID and a government that seemingly is unwilling and uncaring to act to help in a significant way.

Suffering living with with food and housing insecurity.

I am sure these people who participated in the coup, were fearful. Violence always stems from fear.

Perhaps they are fearful of losing their sense of what they believed about this country, and their position in it. The question is what do we do with our fear? Do we lash out and create harm? Even worse do we let our fear paralyze us and prevent us from acting? I have found the best solution is to face our fear, recognize it, be compassionate towards ourself and then move forward with fear as our companion.

Let us move forward to do the work to change the systems to improve the lives of people who are suffering in whatever small or large way that we can and to protect those who are most vulnerable in our society.

Let us never hesitate to speak up and out about injustice that we see.

Let us be open to hearing the pain of those who are suffering.

Let us wake up each day with hope and a sense of wonder and work to build the world we dream about. That is the only way it will come to be. With us being committed and coming together to do the work that needs to be done. Take a deep breath. Be gentle with yourself.

Remember the words of Unitarian Universalist Minister Wayne B Arnason:

“Take courage friends.

The way is often hard,

the path is never clear,

and the stakes are very high.

Take courage.

For deep down,

there is another truth:

you are not alone.”

With a grateful heart

Rev. Jay

Movie Review - Pixar's Soul

I have mixed feelings. I liked it, and there are challenging issues raised.

I will not give details of the movie, so as to spoil it for those who have not seen it. First I want to say even though this is animated it is not really a movie for little children. Whereas “Inside Out” dealt with the inner mind and thoughts of youth adults, and was funny and poignant,  this movie is about the deep existential human questions about death and how we live our life.

Overall it is a good message. The message is we should appreciate each moment of our lives. And we are fulfilled through building positive relationships with others. There were also some challenging thoughts. First it definitively suggests an afterlife where we go to the great beyond (go to the bright light – I’m ok with that) and a before life. This before life though has a very Calvinistic approach to it. It suggests that we are all born with certain dispositions and personalities (we are born good or evil). The image was a little too “predestination” for me. (probably for those who do not think theologically all the time, this brief idea might have not even been a blip on screen in your viewing the movie but it was for me).

The other challenging idea raised around the idea that a soul cannot go to earth until it finds its spark. That fits in with the predestination theme. What WAS interesting and challenging to me was the concept that our spark is not necessarily related to our purpose in life. In fact the movie raises the question that we may not have one singular purpose in life. I have spent a lot of time in my life trying to understand my purpose. I have learned mostly through my Buddhist practices and teachings to live in the present moment. Still I like to think of what I am doing as having some purpose even if it is unknown to me.

The movie focuses on people being in the flow when they are in touch with their spark. However it also indicates “The zone is enjoyable, but when that joy becomes an obsession, one becomes disconnected from life.” It reiterates the focus on being connected with life. It is an interesting question of balancing greatness (the whole practicing 10,000 hours) which sometimes requires some obsession. So it is an interesting question about finding balance between following your passion and finding joy. I don’t know the answer but I thought it was an interesting question.

The funniest part of the movie was when 22 (a particular soul before life) keeps messing with the flow of the New York Knicks players so they wont be any good.

I do not like the ongoing negative stereotypical view of accountants that is portrayed in the film.

I loved the music in the film

Lastly I think I must mention the issue of race. First  I am glad to see an animated movie that is full of African American characters which also provided jobs for African Americans. However this movie does continue a trend of sort in Disney animated movies that have non white lead characters becomes non human. It just happens too often to make it a coincidence.

The Princess and the Frog – Disney’s first African American Princess becomes a frog.

Spies in Disguise – African American Secret Agent becomes a pigeon.

Brother Bear – An Inuit boy becomes a bear

Emperor has his new groove – Incan Emperor becomes a Llama

Now Soul – the African American protagonist becomes an bluish amorphous ghost like creature and then a cat.

Perhaps I am being too obsessive about this. But perhaps that is why the movie included a negative about being obsessive about things. Very subtle if you ask me.

Despite this I enjoyed the movie because it was thought provoking and I love existential questions and I loved the music.

 

Book Review - Jack" by Marilynne Robinson

 I just finished reading Jack, the fourth in the series of Gilead Novels by Marilynne Robinson. Gilead is a story of two families of two ministers in a small town in Iowa. I have really enjoyed this series. The book “Lila” in particular was a phenomenal book. In each of the successive books after Gilead, Robinson focuses on a minor character in the first book Gilead. She delves deep into their interior thoughts, lives and motivations.  The Book Jack focuses on the wayward son Jack, who has lived a life full of mischief, poor decisions, alcoholism, regret and I would say a lack of direction. At times Jack may seem to have a rakish charm, but mostly he is just a self absorbed failure. For most of the book he seems to accept this about himself.  I would have liked to hear him reflect more about his family of origin. 

The book centers around his relationship with Della. It is of some interest to see the challenges added to their relationship due their interracial romance in the 1950s with miscegenation laws. I would have liked to hear more about Della’s family. Their cameo appearance in the end was a more interesting part of the book. The underlying issue the book deals with is grace and whether we feel we deserve it or are willing to accept it. Still the book is about Jack and all his interior thoughts for 322 pages. Whereas I found Lila’s life, mind and journey fascinating to follow, I found Jack’s thoughts about his incessant self pity, whining and self destructiveness got boring after the first 200 pages. Perhaps that says more about me then the book. I just found him an uninteresting character. Truthfully he seemed a more mysterious interesting character in Gilead that I had hoped to know more of. Perhaps that is the point, that some people are just uninteresting and even they deserve grace. 

Even after reading the book, there are two questions that still perplex me. Why did Della love him? Did she just want someone to save? (I guess I will have to wait for another book by Robinson about Della). Why didn’t they move to a state that did not have miscegenation laws? Still the book showed the challenges of how difficult it is to change one’s life and how the world can crush you. And then sometimes, in a moment, even if just a moment life can be beautiful and full of possibilities. Unfortunately that is the way this book felt. Some really beautiful moments, but mostly the look inside the pedantic mind of Jack Boughton.

Catastrophe or Middle Way

 I started watching the series Cobra Kai on Netflix this week. It takes up the story thirty years later of the characters from the Karate Kid movie.  It starts showing us the defeated bully’s life as full of suffering and bitterness. And it shows Daniel the youth who overcame the bully as a seemingly happy successful person. (I look forward to see how this develops).  To some this may have seemed like a satisfying life trajectory of the two protagonists of that movie. It would have been my hope in seeing Cobra Kai that Johnny the bully would have learned compassion after losing. He seemed to acknowledge it at the end of the first movie. But then we would not have had a plot line for the new show Cobra Kai. But it started me thinking how often we get stuck in our way of being and find it hard to transform ourselves. How the impact of trauma and early life experiences so often mold us.

When we are young we just accept as experiences as they are because that is all we know of our world. And often we live our whole life with that same mindset of those childhood experiences. I know growing up in the Bronx and New York City there were potential dangers at every corner. In truth for the early part of my life, I did not care why the dangers were there, I just wanted to be protected from them. Being of short stature and little physical ability I learned that humor, negotiation and allyship helped me survive. Even once I would have to say that providence intervened via the help of total strangers to save me.

As I got older, I kept looking around corners for dangers. Although some of that fear is bias conditioned from a young age, some of it is real. There is real danger in the world.  Some people live their whole life in this protection mindset. If I have enough money I can move far enough way. I can build a wall around my housing development. I can be protected by the police from danger.  This mindset of protection can infect every aspect of peoples lives and they see every interaction as a battle to protect what they have and they use lawyers and a sense of shared loyalty to protect themselves from any challenge. Many people live their whole lives this way. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Somewhere along the line I changed. At some point, I started asking why is there danger? Why is there poverty? Why are drugs illegal which caused so much of the violence in my neighborhood (did we learn nothing from prohibition?) Some of my change was due to my Jewish upbringing which stressed helping the most vulnerable as we often were throughout history. I was raised with a penchant for critically thinking and to question everything. Some of my change was due to my Unitarian Universalist tradition that opened my heart and mind to new ways of thinking. A  large part of my change was the adoption of my children who are Korean and seeing how they were treated differently as they grew older. I protected them where I could, but there are things I could not protect them from. Another large impact on my thinking was my interaction with people who were different from me.  I learned that their experiences with the government were not the same as mine and I learned how systemically people were kept oppressed. But mostly, I would have to say I experienced that love overcomes fear. So I combined all of this and I learned and I changed.

We often shy away from the word evil in this life. But it is clear people do evil things. Time and awareness has changed my world view as to what were the evil things being done in the world. For me it is to cause harm to others for no reason. Those who would accumulate wealth at the expense of their fellow citizens causes harm for no reason. Not providing adequate health care even though we can afford it causes harm for no reason. Not providing adequate housing and education for our citizens (while people are building mansions) causes harm for no reason. Not providing enough food for those in need even though we have more then enough causes harm for no reason. Locking up people in jail for drugs (while we have easy legal access to much stronger pharmaceuticals) causes harm for no reason. Remember evil spelled backwards is live. I know that is trite but it gives me hope that things can be turned around. We can choose to live. We can choose to make things in this world better. One thing that is certain is we will all die. So how we live matters.

And so the question that comes to me now is how to combat People Who Do Evil Things (PHODETS). I was raised being taught that non violent action to appeal to the conscience of Americans was the way to achieve change. We saw it used by Gandhi in India. He had some victories with it, but in truth I believe World War II had more to do with ending Britain’s occupation of India. We saw it used successfully in the South to end Jim Crow laws by Martin Luther King Jr. He and many others died for it anyway. King also had the benefit of having the Black Panthers and Malcom X as an violent alternative that led White Americans to side with MLK Jr. History shows us more often then not, dictatorships crush non violent resistance. There are exceptions of course. Ultimately it comes down to the armed services. Now we are not a dictatorship in America yet. But the PHODETS keep talking as if they would not object to America being a dictatorship. So I can not rule out a violent response completely in the future. It is true fear of violence will put people in protection mode. But fear of violence can also bring people to an alternative. A Middle Way.

A Middle Way is not a compromise but rather a better higher alternative. Imagine the top of a isosceles triangle. In the middle, but higher then either polarity. I believe most people do not want violence. It is not too late to avoid this catastrophe that is approaching. We can and MUST VOTE. We must do whatever we can to make sure this election is legal. We must stand up to every indignation and malfeasance that PHODETS put forward. Every single one. We must use what our unique skills are and use them to promote a better way of being and living to confront Americans with an alternative to the PHODETS.

We must adjust our values in this country. Our values should not be to have the biggest house and car and every contraption known to humankind. Our values as a country should be Justice, Equity and Compassion. We can grow and change. We do not have to suffer catastrophe to transform. We can choose to learn and be open to change and thus transform. At least that is my hope. Look around. Learn. Awake. We can reduce physical suffering by generosity of our spirit and our wealth as a country. We do not have to be bitter and suffer just because someone else is getting a little help. There is more then enough of creation for everyone.  We do not have to live always looking around corners for danger and figuring out ways to protect ourselves. We can choose to change. We can choose love. We can choose the Middle Way. The alternative is catastrophe.

Book Review. – Lila by Marilynne Robinson.

I am not often surprised by a book, but this book surprised me in a fascinating way and I loved it. Let me explain. Lila is a minor character from the book Gilead. Gilead was a nice book about a preacher from a small town in Iowa. Both this book, Lila and the book “Home” are books about other minor characters in Gilead. Home was about the wayward son of the preachers friend who was a retired minister and neighbor. Lila, is the story about the Preacher’s wife. I knew that going in. I was always curious about her in Gilead. We didn’t learn much about her other then she was much younger then the Preacher, and not as formally educated, and they had a child together. That left a voyeuristic curiosity to her backstory Let alone her character even in Gilead.  She was always quiet, in the background, seemingly stern worried about her husband’s health.

In Lila, we learn about her upbringing and how they came to be together. And it was totally unexpected. Perhaps that says more about me and my bias towards imagining characters…That is the big question of the book. Why do things happen the way they do. The book covers deep religious topics such as grace, redemption, sin and life after death from the perspective of Lila who knew little of formal religion before meeting the Preacher John Ames. Her asking him very raw basic questions about religion and faith and God seems to light a spark in him. It also speaks about his willingness to recognize and risk love at the same time assuming it would not last.   

We meet Lila as a young child as she is being kidnapped by someone, from what we are led to believe is a dangerous situation. I say we are led to believe because we really do not know and all Lila knows is what her rescuer/kidnapper Doll tells her. She lived most of her life living day to day with a group of people just trying to survive as itinerant workers . Part of why Doll joins this group is a need to stay under the radar for fear that people will be after her for taking Lila.

Through Lila’s memories, we experience her deepest interior thoughts and how she developed into the person she is. It tells about their life on the road, and what happens after the depression hits and their group of people disband. How that type of life led to a life of loneliness and fear. Yet it also spoke to the simplicity of life. One year Doll took her off there road to go to school and when asked what country she lived in she spoke of the beautiful fields and trees. Because what information do we really need to know to survive.  The story highlighted the fragileness and harshness of life dependent on seasons and good will of others. There was a freeness about it, but it was also a reminder of how that kind of freedom offers limited options and support when things go bad. Being someone who has moved away from “home” and from a people who have been forced over time to move,  I understand the yearning to be in a place where people have known your people for generations. It is something I will never have, but I like the feeling of it.

When your focus is on surviving day to day, you do live in the moment, do what you have to, but you have to always be on your guard and lack the ability to trust others. After the apparent death of Doll (I say apparent, because the sequence of events would lead us to believe that, but we don’t really know. Another message from the book is that we really do not know much. Anyway after Lila is alone it tells of her hard time in St. Louis. It is interesting that the book portrays St. Louis as a place where sin happens. She escapes her difficult situation. But there is also an interesting perspective of feeling security for the known, and finding happiness even in the smallest things when you are suffering even if they are an illusion. And that leads to complexity of her settling down and marrying John Ames. Imagining it is an illusion, being on guard always for something bad to happen, or fear of doing something bad that will upset others. How her experiences in the world made it hard to trust anything or anyone, even her own thoughts. Fear never leaves you when it is deep in your bones. The book offer the possibility that if we can live through the sufferings of our life, a new life can be created that offers a balm to our suffering, with the patient love of family and community.  

I’m listing some quotes from the book.  It is a way to keep some poignant thoughts in the forefront of my thoughts. :

“Lila “What do you ever tell people in a sermon except that thing that happen mean something? Some man dies somewhere a long time ago and that means something. People eat a bit of bread and that means something. Then why wont you say how you know that? Do you just talk that way because youre a preacher? This kind of thinking made a change in her loneliness, made it more tolerable for her. And she knew how dangerous that could be. She had told herself more than once not to call it loneliness, since it wasn tany different from one year to the next. It was just how her body felt, like hungry or tired, except it was always there, always the same”

“When folks are down to the one thing that keeps them alive, that one thing can be meanness. It makes you feel like youre there, youre doing something”

Lila        “I don’t trust nobody”

Ames    “No wonder you’re tired”

Lila        “What isn’t strange when you think about it.”

             

Lila        “Existence can be fierce”

             

Lila        “To put everything else away from her, because that ache was, first and last where she came from and what waited for her.”             

Lila        “Im still thinking. Maybe Ill tell you when Im done”

Ames    “But  you might never get done, you know, Thinking is endless”

Lila        “How strange it seemed to be at peace”

Lila        “You’d think a man as careful as this Job might have had a storm cellar’

About going to the movies

Lila        “The best part was always to sitting there in the dark, seeing what she had never seen anywhere before, and mostly believing it.”

Ames    “Joy and loss exists in its own right and must be recognized for what it is. Sorrow is very real and loss feels very final to us. Life on earth is difficult and grave, and marvelous. Our experience is fragmentary. Its parts don’t add up. They don’t even belong in the same calculation. Sometimes it is hard to believe they re all parts of one thing. Nothing makes sense until we understand that experience does not acculuate like money or memory, or like years.”

Lila        “Near as I can tell you were wanting to reconcile thing bys saying they cant be reconciled”

Lila        “After a while it may have been my loyalty I was loyal to”

Lila        “Ive been tramping around with the heathens. Theyre just as good an anybody, so far as I can see. They sure don’t deserve no hellfire”

Lila        “The best things that happen I’d never have thought to pray for. In a million years. The worst things just come like the weather. You do what you can”

Lila        That’s how it is. Lila had borne a child into a world where a wind could rise that would take him from her arms as if there were no strength in the at all. Pity us, yes, but we are brave, she thought and wild, more life in us than we can bear, the fire infolding itself in us. That peace could only be amazement too. 

Two Reviews – “Fleabag” – Amazon Prime Video and “The Irishman” – Netflix

Fleabag – a 9 out of 10 on the jaywo scale

I first heard of this show after seeing its star Phoebe Waller-Bridge on Saturday Night Live as host. I thought it was one of the best openings I had seen in years, and so I decided to watch this show. I have had Amazon Prime but had never once watched its videos, mostly using it for free shipping of books. First I have to say this show has very raunchy language and talks explicitly about sex. If that does not turn you off, (or perhaps that turns you on) this is a funny poignant quirky series. Phoebe’s character uses the camera as a fourth wall very effectively. The show centers around the lives of two sisters. It has had two seasons. Season two comes to a neat conclusion as it is not guaranteed to return for a third season. The show deals with how the sisters and their father deal with (or don’t) with the death of their mother (wife).  Also it deals with the death of the lead characters friend. As I think about it, the lead character is never addressed by name in the series. That in and of itself is quirky about the show. I’ll have to think more about that. Clearly it was intentional.  The show deals with how humans deal with grief, love, loss, family relationships and our search for happiness. It shows our human frailties, and our ability to recover and rebound. At times particularly in season two, I found myself laughing out loud and cringing almost at the same time. The show often focus on Phoebe’s character’s romantic relationships and particularly in season 2 her attraction to and pursuit of a priest.  . I highly recommend it. I binge watched all of season two on vacation. It is really worth seeing.

“The Irishman” –A  6 out of 10

I just watched this on vacation. This movie has had a  lot of brouhaha due to its limited theatrical release (I guess to be eligible for the Oscars)  and then almost direct to Netflix. It was directed by Scorsese and it has a great cast of actors. Al Pacino overacts (as usual) as Jimmy Hoffa, and that works for the role as Hoffa was a larger then life character in real life. Robert Deniro underacts (as usual) as hitman for the mob whose life this movie is based on. Joe Pesci as well plays a great understated role as a mob boss.  The story is told from Deniro’s perspective, telling his life story in retrospect from some sort of retirement home. First I will have to say the movie is long… Almost three and 1/2 hours long. It seemed like a greatest hits of gangster films. It told in a very methodical fashion the rise and fall of this particular gangster and his long standing relationship with Hoffa and the union.  I guess my biggest complaint is that it was too methodical and not dramatic enough. I never get a sense of why he was the way he was or did the things he did. Its just the way he was, shaped by the violence of being in combat in war. But many people  went to war and did not end up living this kind of life. It did not romanticize the life, pointing out the violent deaths of many of the characters. In fact, there are no good characters here.  I liked the cinematography and period pieces of the film. Scorsese always is great at that.  The last half hour of the movie made up for more of its tedious moments. As he looks back on his life, he is talking to a young nurse who did not even know who Jimmy Hoffa was. It brought about a realization for the character (and thus for me) about how fleeting life can be. Things we think are important in the moment are trivialized and forgotten in history. Our motives and decisions which we believe may be good, really lead to much harm. It also talks about who we align ourselves with in life. Who we choose to protect and who we choose to sacrifice. In the end he is alone and he has spent little time building relationships with those who would love him. Perhaps that is the message. It is not what we do, but how we love in the world that matters. (I'm not saying that is the message of the movie, but the message I choose to take from it)  The movie gives answers to who killed Hoffa and hints at who killed JFK (Both of these are long held belief by those who follow these stories over the years) if you choose to believe it. It was worth seeing just to see Pacino and Deniro together in a movie and in general I enjoy gangster movies. But I do not think it is Oscar worthy.  

Meanderings while walking on the beach while on vacation during Thanksgiving

As I walked the beach, I thought about the waves rolling in and out. As the tide goes out it leaves some dead shells, and some that cling to the tide to head back out to the gulf. It is now illegal to take a live shell. But for years our family would take live shells and boil them (there is some sea creature living within it). We would create shell lamps and shell mirrors, and anything shells. Looking back, I wonder if these creatures suffered. If shell creatures have shell creature families. So I can rationalize killing a creature for sustenance for myself, but to kill just to create beauty seems hard to justify. Now we just scavenge for dead shells.                                                                         

With the incoming and outgoing tide, some shell creatures live, some die, some get washed away. The more adept shell creatures I imagine hides itself better so as not to be picked (they dig themselves down in the sand). Such it is in life. We live our lives. Some are more adept then others. We live for awhile, we die, some people get swept away by the tides of life. Some dig deep and fight like hell for life. And although each shell and its existence is unique, the tide coming in and out, does so like clockwork, every day, it has a pattern that affects the shells (and I imagine all sea life). Over time the waves have a discernible pattern that we can determine and predict. I wonder and imagine that sea life can as well and that helps them exist in their world. 

But also that pattern of tides  and gravity tells me of the interdependence of all things that were created and came to be. Even if there is a scientific explanation for it all, it is amazing. And if there are amazing things that create patterns in and of the waves I must wonder if our lives and our universe have similar patterns.  Certainly in my life I have sensed repeating patterns. With more experience and wisdom over time I have learned to better manage those down cycles and take advantage of the upcycles.  What patterns does the universe show us? 

It is true that patterns get disrupted, whether that be by an asteroid crashing, or climate crisis affecting migratory patterns of birds, (and many other patterns) or lights on beaches affecting patterns of baby sea turtles. So too in our life we have patterns interrupted through unexpected tragedies. I do note that I only to point to interrupted patterns due to the negative, not the positive. But I imagine, a pattern can be interrupted by an act of courage, an act of kindness or the sight of beauty. 

If I noticed anything on the beach, even with the pattern of the waves and the tide, is that even while that is predictable, everything in every moment is changing. What shells come in, what

Shells go out. My interaction with the waves and shells although might not affect the tide, but it affects that wave and those shells I interact with. (and of course there are things we can do to affect the direction of water). The weather beyond our control affects the pattern too. 

I admit it is a little depressing thought that there is a tide in our life and the universe, a constantly repeating direction that can be altered, often impacted, but without major intervention cannot be changed.  On the other hand I could be wrong. Or perhaps we as some scientists speculate are part of a simulation created by aliens (which would explain patterns), but I do not put much stock in that (because if we become aware of the simulation they will turn it off) 

Or perhaps it is enough to be the creature that digs deep and fights for survival to make a difference in the sea of life, even when it cant change the whole tide. Perhaps if enough creatures dig deep enough they can change the course of the tide. Perhaps it gives ours lives purpose. You can not count on an asteroid to change the world, so perhaps we should try an act of courage, acts of kindness and/or create something beautiful.   You just have to dig deep and survive and work to change the tide.  This is what I thought when I took a walk on the beach this Thanksgiving morning. I am not sure I even make sense of it all, but it is what I experienced.  What did you think about this morning. 

Musings after Mueller

I have to admit that when the television news came on last night I had to turn it off. I just could not bring myself to hear the President crowing about the Mueller report exonerating him, even though it specifically said it did not exonerate him.

I saw most people online express despair, and resignation that the power structure protects their own.   Since we haven’t seen the report, I will not comment on that. Clearly there have been many prosecutions and indictments already, so I think the Mueller investigation has brought much corruption to light. So I say it was worth every penny. The Mueller investigation stated irrefutably that Russia influenced our election to help get Trump elected. So let us make sure as a country that does not happen again.  I admit based on just what is public I thought there was reason for obstruction charges. Certainly campaign finance charges. Even if Trump is not charged, I do believe we should highlight and keep the pressure up about all the corruption of this administration. I do think that is an important issue. And I believe that will continue. 

But that is not enough.  The people need to speak about our values and issues and elect people who support our values. The challenge is there are so many issues. For me, the top issues based on my values are as follows :

Universal Health Care (in whatever form that takes)

Climate Change

Fair Wages

Full Funding for education.

Stop locking up children in cages and separating families.

Ending the proliferation of Nuclear Weapons.

Supporting individuals and families that are most vulnerable in our country and especially those that have been historically oppressed.

Free and accessible elections.  

I hear people say progressives are a threat to the Constitution. Yes, where it is corrupt we are. Progressives  were a threat to it when Conservatives allowed slavery, Progressives were a threat to it when Conservatives would not allow Blacks to vote. Progressives were threat to it when Conservatives did not allow Women to vote.  Progressives were a threat to it when Conservatives did not want people to vote for Senators. Yes Progressives are a threat because we because we are demanding change and demanding that all people be entitled to their rights. That rights should not be centered only with White Land Owners (that is what the Constitution originally allowed for).   

Yesterday in writing about the NCAA tournament I quoted journalist Daman Runyon who wrote, “The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong; but that is the way to bet.”  And when I wrote that, I thought of our political predicament in our country. The truth is the people are stronger. There are more people in this country who share my values then share the current administration’s values. Those who are manipulating power today are counting on the people to be resigned, counting on people to be divided. I should hope they do not want people to be in despair, for despair leads to desperation. And desperate people will do desperate things. We do not need to be desperate. We need to be deliberate.  We need to be together. We need to organize,

To elect officials that support our values.

We need to show up at school board meetings and city council meetings.

We need to run for and support people who support our values.  

Don’t tell me you are too tired or too busy or your children have an event you have to get them to. This is the event they need to be at. Learning to be active citizens of this country. 

Let us not despair. Let us take a deep breath. Let us redouble our efforts. We need to use the rights that so many have fought and died for. Let us continue to work for the good. Together the people can make change. We took congress in 2018. We can make change. Now is not the time to step back. No one else can save us but each other.  Let us remember why we are doing this. Because we believe that each of us has inherent worth. Each of us should be given the opportunity and means to reach our potential. We believe in truth, and justice on this earth and for this earth.

If you do not agree me this is not the venue for this, and I will delete your comments. This is for all those who are struggling today.  This is to remind you that you are not alone. We are in this together. If we believe we can make change. If we are willing to sacrifice. Then and only then will change happen. When we make it happen. And we can. WE CAN.

True Detective Season 3 - Love can transcend suffering if we let it.

My reflection on True Detective Season 3

First a short recap of seasons 1 and 2 –

Season One was groundbreaking for its style and that it was a television series with famous movie stars. (Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson) I found it more quirky and new for TV, then good, but I enjoyed Matthew McConaughey’s character philosophical diatribes and the question of good and evil. (always a favorite topic of mine)

Season 2 starred Vince Vaughn and Collin Ferrell. Critics generally panned season 2. I liked it. It was less subtle and more over the top, but it was also more real and relevant in many ways and focused on the theme of fatherhood and its different meanings, and how it impacts men. It also has the theme of bad guy trying to change for good and being  drawn back into old life. This is also a favorite theme of mine as well.  

Actually looking at all three seasons here, it is more obvious that the writers are clearly focused on men and the role of masculinity in society. Maybe because I am a man, and father of two men, I found this more interesting. However there is very little focus on women or major roles for women.

Also, whereas Season 2 focused on big city corruption and challenges, as in Season 1, season 3 brings us a fairly negative view of rural living. (Isolation, alcoholism, limited opportunities, corruption, back room deals, etc.) I have no idea of its accuracy, since I have never lived in a rural community, but it mostly focused on the negative, and not much positive.

Season 3 starred Mahershala Ali and Stephen Dorf as Detectives investigating the disappearance of two children. It uses flash forwards and covers 3 time periods of time in the life of the detectives and the case. I admit at times it was hard to determine between the first two time periods and the only way I could was by the growth of Stephen Dorf’s beard and his balding hair.  

The show also includes the challenges of the detective and his family when he starts developing dementia in his old age and is trying to remember the case and just forgets how or why he is somewhere.  I appreciated this often neglected topic being an ongoing part of the show.    

Overall I liked the season. The fact that it moved me to write something about it, is a testament to it..  Everything wrapped up very quickly in the second half of the last episode, with a few twists and turns, and a feel good ending. It was logical and made sense, but it felt unsatisfying. Sort of here are the answers to all your questions now. One quip is that again, although the show did have a strong female character, (her research writing a book about the case actually helped her husband solve the case). However she was used mostly as a counterpoint to Mahershala Ali’s character and I didn’t feel she was focused on enough.  Also her death is never explained and she is not part of the show in the later time period and becomes invisible and in fact is only seen as a ghost during that time period. Also Ali’s daughter only shows up in the last 5 minutes of the last episode and it is clear throughout the show they had a strained relationship. He asked her at the end “Did I lose you?” His son stayed in town and took care of Ali. Again, women disappear, men stay and take care of things. It is a terrible message but it is part of a cultural narrative about how men are made to feel they should be.   

The show also did have a focus on the difficulties men have in relationships. How men keep their feelings internalized, and how that leads to a very lonely life. Even Mahershala Ali’s character, who we see developing a better understanding of himself through his interaction with and the deepening relationship with his wife, in the end, at the end of his life, is alone in the jungle in Vietnam. This metaphor of his being alone is used throughout the movie. His struggle to share his feelings or information, in his mind as a way to protect his wife, but really it is protecting himself from his own pain, or in his mind maybe protecting her from his pain. But in the end they decide to let go of the past, and start anew, living in a way that is not tied to the past and true to themselves. We see a glimpse that this happened, but in the end after his wife’s death, he I drawn back to his memory of this unresolved case. The theme of closing off the memory of our emotions and the pain it causes is an ongoing theme. The father of the children, says in the second time frame “Whatever it takes to stop feeling. I mean, there's no point. Ain't nobody left to feel anything for.” And Stephen Dorf’s character seems to show only immense feelings for his dogs.

 We all suffer in our lives, and the message here is that if we don’t acknowledge our suffering it will become self destructive or destructive.

 The show also touches on the redemption theme or in this case lack of redemption.  The detectives in their pursuit of the truth did a terrible deed. This negatively affected their relationship for years, until the passing of time, and memory, brought them back together. Ali’s character, in the end just as he is about to solve the case, has a bout with his dementia and never realizes he may have solved it.  

The people involved in the disappearance of (and murder of one of) the children as well suffered. One of them tried to redeem himself for his actions, but was unsuccessful. He searched to find the truth and was left unfulfilled.  At the end when confronted he said, “I cant take it anymore. Kill me or arrest me. I cant live with it anymore” The detectives let him live with his pain.  The silence of keeping secrets destroys us.

The lines of the poem read (see poem below) at the beginning of the last show were haunting for me:

“What am i now that I was then
Which I shall suffer and act again
Time is the school in which we learn 
Time is the fire in which we burn:”

The story shows that people can transcend their trauma if they are intentional. It also asks the question and makes the point that we often fall into the same traps that we make for ourselves. And in some cases by the time we learn and grow, it is too late to always appreciate the learning. It was (and as I look back on the series) it is a little depressing, only because I see some truth in it. it is a reminder to me to be intentional and to be open about my feelings and to appreciate or at least be present to every single moment of every single day, because we don’t know when it will end. We don’t every really forget until we do. So let us use our memories and learn from them. And move forward in our lives. We sometimes make terrible choices. We cant change them and their outcomes,  but we can learn to make better choices going forward.  We never really know the outcome of our actions before we do them, and as Ali’s character says “You do your best and you learn to live with the ambiguity”

So I know this all sounds dark, But the lasting message is that we can transcend our challenges and that it is Love that helps us transcend that challenge. I cant say much more without giving spoilers.

The opening of the season 3 finale of True Detective were an excerpt from the poem 

“Calmly We Walk Through This April Day” by Delmore Schwartz.

“What will become of you and me
Beside the photo and the memory
This is the school in which we learn
That time is the fire in which we burn 
What is the self amid this blaze
What am i now that I was then
Which I shall suffer and act again
The children shouting are bright as they run
This is the school in which they learn
What am I now that I was then
May memory restore again and again
The smallest color of the smallest day
Time is the school in which we learn 
Time is the fire in which we burn”