Friday, December 13, 2019

Book Review. – Lila by Marilynne Robinson.

I am not often surprised by a book, but this book surprised me in a fascinating way and I loved it. Let me explain. Lila is a minor character from the book Gilead. Gilead was a nice book about a preacher from a small town in Iowa. Both this book, Lila and the book “Home” are books about other minor characters in Gilead. Home was about the wayward son of the preachers friend who was a retired minister and neighbor. Lila, is the story about the Preacher’s wife. I knew that going in. I was always curious about her in Gilead. We didn’t learn much about her other then she was much younger then the Preacher, and not as formally educated, and they had a child together. That left a voyeuristic curiosity to her backstory Let alone her character even in Gilead.  She was always quiet, in the background, seemingly stern worried about her husband’s health.

In Lila, we learn about her upbringing and how they came to be together. And it was totally unexpected. Perhaps that says more about me and my bias towards imagining characters…That is the big question of the book. Why do things happen the way they do. The book covers deep religious topics such as grace, redemption, sin and life after death from the perspective of Lila who knew little of formal religion before meeting the Preacher John Ames. Her asking him very raw basic questions about religion and faith and God seems to light a spark in him. It also speaks about his willingness to recognize and risk love at the same time assuming it would not last.   

We meet Lila as a young child as she is being kidnapped by someone, from what we are led to believe is a dangerous situation. I say we are led to believe because we really do not know and all Lila knows is what her rescuer/kidnapper Doll tells her. She lived most of her life living day to day with a group of people just trying to survive as itinerant workers . Part of why Doll joins this group is a need to stay under the radar for fear that people will be after her for taking Lila.

Through Lila’s memories, we experience her deepest interior thoughts and how she developed into the person she is. It tells about their life on the road, and what happens after the depression hits and their group of people disband. How that type of life led to a life of loneliness and fear. Yet it also spoke to the simplicity of life. One year Doll took her off there road to go to school and when asked what country she lived in she spoke of the beautiful fields and trees. Because what information do we really need to know to survive.  The story highlighted the fragileness and harshness of life dependent on seasons and good will of others. There was a freeness about it, but it was also a reminder of how that kind of freedom offers limited options and support when things go bad. Being someone who has moved away from “home” and from a people who have been forced over time to move,  I understand the yearning to be in a place where people have known your people for generations. It is something I will never have, but I like the feeling of it.

When your focus is on surviving day to day, you do live in the moment, do what you have to, but you have to always be on your guard and lack the ability to trust others. After the apparent death of Doll (I say apparent, because the sequence of events would lead us to believe that, but we don’t really know. Another message from the book is that we really do not know much. Anyway after Lila is alone it tells of her hard time in St. Louis. It is interesting that the book portrays St. Louis as a place where sin happens. She escapes her difficult situation. But there is also an interesting perspective of feeling security for the known, and finding happiness even in the smallest things when you are suffering even if they are an illusion. And that leads to complexity of her settling down and marrying John Ames. Imagining it is an illusion, being on guard always for something bad to happen, or fear of doing something bad that will upset others. How her experiences in the world made it hard to trust anything or anyone, even her own thoughts. Fear never leaves you when it is deep in your bones. The book offer the possibility that if we can live through the sufferings of our life, a new life can be created that offers a balm to our suffering, with the patient love of family and community.  

I’m listing some quotes from the book.  It is a way to keep some poignant thoughts in the forefront of my thoughts. :

“Lila “What do you ever tell people in a sermon except that thing that happen mean something? Some man dies somewhere a long time ago and that means something. People eat a bit of bread and that means something. Then why wont you say how you know that? Do you just talk that way because youre a preacher? This kind of thinking made a change in her loneliness, made it more tolerable for her. And she knew how dangerous that could be. She had told herself more than once not to call it loneliness, since it wasn tany different from one year to the next. It was just how her body felt, like hungry or tired, except it was always there, always the same”

“When folks are down to the one thing that keeps them alive, that one thing can be meanness. It makes you feel like youre there, youre doing something”

Lila        “I don’t trust nobody”
Ames    “No wonder you’re tired”

Lila        “What isn’t strange when you think about it.”
             
Lila        “Existence can be fierce”
             
Lila        “To put everything else away from her, because that ache was, first and last where she came from and what waited for her.”             

Lila        “Im still thinking. Maybe Ill tell you when Im done”
Ames    “But  you might never get done, you know, Thinking is endless”

Lila        “How strange it seemed to be at peace”

Lila        “You’d think a man as careful as this Job might have had a storm cellar’

About going to the movies
Lila        “The best part was always to sitting there in the dark, seeing what she had never seen anywhere before, and mostly believing it.”

Ames    “Joy and loss exists in its own right and must be recognized for what it is. Sorrow is very real and loss feels very final to us. Life on earth is difficult and grave, and marvelous. Our experience is fragmentary. Its parts don’t add up. They don’t even belong in the same calculation. Sometimes it is hard to believe they re all parts of one thing. Nothing makes sense until we understand that experience does not acculuate like money or memory, or like years.”
Lila        “Near as I can tell you were wanting to reconcile thing bys saying they cant be reconciled”

Lila        “After a while it may have been my loyalty I was loyal to”

Lila        “Ive been tramping around with the heathens. Theyre just as good an anybody, so far as I can see. They sure don’t deserve no hellfire”

Lila        “The best things that happen I’d never have thought to pray for. In a million years. The worst things just come like the weather. You do what you can”

Lila        That’s how it is. Lila had borne a child into a world where a wind could rise that would take him from her arms as if there were no strength in the at all. Pity us, yes, but we are brave, she thought and wild, more life in us than we can bear, the fire infolding itself in us. That peace could only be amazement too. 

Thursday, November 28, 2019

Two Reviews – “Fleabag” – Amazon Prime Video and “The Irishman” – Netflix


Fleabag – a 9 out of 10 on the jaywo scale
I first heard of this show after seeing its star Phoebe Waller-Bridge on Saturday Night Live as host. I thought it was one of the best openings I had seen in years, and so I decided to watch this show. I have had Amazon Prime but had never once watched its videos, mostly using it for free shipping of books. First I have to say this show has very raunchy language and talks explicitly about sex. If that does not turn you off, (or perhaps that turns you on) this is a funny poignant quirky series. Phoebe’s character uses the camera as a fourth wall very effectively. The show centers around the lives of two sisters. It has had two seasons. Season two comes to a neat conclusion as it is not guaranteed to return for a third season. The show deals with how the sisters and their father deal with (or don’t) with the death of their mother (wife).  Also it deals with the death of the lead characters friend. As I think about it, the lead character is never addressed by name in the series. That in and of itself is quirky about the show. I’ll have to think more about that. Clearly it was intentional.  The show deals with how humans deal with grief, love, loss, family relationships and our search for happiness. It shows our human frailties, and our ability to recover and rebound. At times particularly in season two, I found myself laughing out loud and cringing almost at the same time. The show often focus on Phoebe’s character’s romantic relationships and particularly in season 2 her attraction to and pursuit of a priest.  . I highly recommend it. I binge watched all of season two on vacation. It is really worth seeing.

“The Irishman” –A  6 out of 10
I just watched this on vacation. This movie has had a  lot of brouhaha due to its limited theatrical release (I guess to be eligible for the Oscars)  and then almost direct to Netflix. It was directed by Scorsese and it has a great cast of actors. Al Pacino overacts (as usual) as Jimmy Hoffa, and that works for the role as Hoffa was a larger then life character in real life. Robert Deniro underacts (as usual) as hitman for the mob whose life this movie is based on. Joe Pesci as well plays a great understated role as a mob boss.  The story is told from Deniro’s perspective, telling his life story in retrospect from some sort of retirement home. First I will have to say the movie is long… Almost three and 1/2 hours long. It seemed like a greatest hits of gangster films. It told in a very methodical fashion the rise and fall of this particular gangster and his long standing relationship with Hoffa and the union.  I guess my biggest complaint is that it was too methodical and not dramatic enough. I never get a sense of why he was the way he was or did the things he did. Its just the way he was, shaped by the violence of being in combat in war. But many people  went to war and did not end up living this kind of life. It did not romanticize the life, pointing out the violent deaths of many of the characters. In fact, there are no good characters here.  I liked the cinematography and period pieces of the film. Scorsese always is great at that.  The last half hour of the movie made up for more of its tedious moments. As he looks back on his life, he is talking to a young nurse who did not even know who Jimmy Hoffa was. It brought about a realization for the character (and thus for me) about how fleeting life can be. Things we think are important in the moment are trivialized and forgotten in history. Our motives and decisions which we believe may be good, really lead to much harm. It also talks about who we align ourselves with in life. Who we choose to protect and who we choose to sacrifice. In the end he is alone and he has spent little time building relationships with those who would love him. Perhaps that is the message. It is not what we do, but how we love in the world that matters. (I'm not saying that is the message of the movie, but the message I choose to take from it)  The movie gives answers to who killed Hoffa and hints at who killed JFK (Both of these are long held belief by those who follow these stories over the years) if you choose to believe it. It was worth seeing just to see Pacino and Deniro together in a movie and in general I enjoy gangster movies. But I do not think it is Oscar worthy.  


Meanderings while walking on the beach while on vacation during Thanksgiving


As I walked the beach, I thought about the waves rolling in and out. As the tide goes out it leaves some dead shells, and some that cling to the tide to head back out to the gulf. It is now illegal to take a live shell. But for years our family would take live shells and boil them (there is some sea creature living within it). We would create shell lamps and shell mirrors, and anything shells. Looking back, I wonder if these creatures suffered. If shell creatures have shell creature families. So I can rationalize killing a creature for sustenance for myself, but to kill just to create beauty seems hard to justify. Now we just scavenge for dead shells.                                                                         

With the incoming and outgoing tide, some shell creatures live, some die, some get washed away. The more adept shell creatures I imagine hides itself better so as not to be picked (they dig themselves down in the sand). Such it is in life. We live our lives. Some are more adept then others. We live for awhile, we die, some people get swept away by the tides of life. Some dig deep and fight like hell for life. And although each shell and its existence is unique, the tide coming in and out, does so like clockwork, every day, it has a pattern that affects the shells (and I imagine all sea life). Over time the waves have a discernible pattern that we can determine and predict. I wonder and imagine that sea life can as well and that helps them exist in their world. 

But also that pattern of tides  and gravity tells me of the interdependence of all things that were created and came to be. Even if there is a scientific explanation for it all, it is amazing. And if there are amazing things that create patterns in and of the waves I must wonder if our lives and our universe have similar patterns.  Certainly in my life I have sensed repeating patterns. With more experience and wisdom over time I have learned to better manage those down cycles and take advantage of the upcycles.  What patterns does the universe show us? 

It is true that patterns get disrupted, whether that be by an asteroid crashing, or climate crisis affecting migratory patterns of birds, (and many other patterns) or lights on beaches affecting patterns of baby sea turtles. So too in our life we have patterns interrupted through unexpected tragedies. I do note that I only to point to interrupted patterns due to the negative, not the positive. But I imagine, a pattern can be interrupted by an act of courage, an act of kindness or the sight of beauty. 

If I noticed anything on the beach, even with the pattern of the waves and the tide, is that even while that is predictable, everything in every moment is changing. What shells come in, what
Shells go out. My interaction with the waves and shells although might not affect the tide, but it affects that wave and those shells I interact with. (and of course there are things we can do to affect the direction of water). The weather beyond our control affects the pattern too. 

I admit it is a little depressing thought that there is a tide in our life and the universe, a constantly repeating direction that can be altered, often impacted, but without major intervention cannot be changed.  On the other hand I could be wrong. Or perhaps we as some scientists speculate are part of a simulation created by aliens (which would explain patterns), but I do not put much stock in that (because if we become aware of the simulation they will turn it off) 

Or perhaps it is enough to be the creature that digs deep and fights for survival to make a difference in the sea of life, even when it cant change the whole tide. Perhaps if enough creatures dig deep enough they can change the course of the tide. Perhaps it gives ours lives purpose. You can not count on an asteroid to change the world, so perhaps we should try an act of courage, acts of kindness and/or create something beautiful.   You just have to dig deep and survive and work to change the tide.  This is what I thought when I took a walk on the beach this Thanksgiving morning. I am not sure I even make sense of it all, but it is what I experienced.  What did you think about this morning. 

Monday, March 25, 2019

Musings after Mueller


I have to admit that when the television news came on last night I had to turn it off. I just could not bring myself to hear the President crowing about the Mueller report exonerating him, even though it specifically said it did not exonerate him.

I saw most people online express despair, and resignation that the power structure protects their own.   Since we haven’t seen the report, I will not comment on that. Clearly there have been many prosecutions and indictments already, so I think the Mueller investigation has brought much corruption to light. So I say it was worth every penny. The Mueller investigation stated irrefutably that Russia influenced our election to help get Trump elected. So let us make sure as a country that does not happen again.  I admit based on just what is public I thought there was reason for obstruction charges. Certainly campaign finance charges. Even if Trump is not charged, I do believe we should highlight and keep the pressure up about all the corruption of this administration. I do think that is an important issue. And I believe that will continue. 

But that is not enough.  The people need to speak about our values and issues and elect people who support our values. The challenge is there are so many issues. For me, the top issues based on my values are as follows :

Universal Health Care (in whatever form that takes)
Climate Change
Fair Wages
Full Funding for education.
Stop locking up children in cages and separating families.
Ending the proliferation of Nuclear Weapons.
Supporting individuals and families that are most vulnerable in our country and especially those that have been historically oppressed.
Free and accessible elections.  

I hear people say progressives are a threat to the Constitution. Yes, where it is corrupt we are. Progressives  were a threat to it when Conservatives allowed slavery, Progressives were a threat to it when Conservatives would not allow Blacks to vote. Progressives were threat to it when Conservatives did not allow Women to vote.  Progressives were a threat to it when Conservatives did not want people to vote for Senators. Yes Progressives are a threat because we because we are demanding change and demanding that all people be entitled to their rights. That rights should not be centered only with White Land Owners (that is what the Constitution originally allowed for).   

Yesterday in writing about the NCAA tournament I quoted journalist Daman Runyon who wrote, “The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong; but that is the way to bet.”  And when I wrote that, I thought of our political predicament in our country. The truth is the people are stronger. There are more people in this country who share my values then share the current administration’s values. Those who are manipulating power today are counting on the people to be resigned, counting on people to be divided. I should hope they do not want people to be in despair, for despair leads to desperation. And desperate people will do desperate things. We do not need to be desperate. We need to be deliberate.  We need to be together. We need to organize,

To elect officials that support our values.
We need to show up at school board meetings and city council meetings.
We need to run for and support people who support our values.  
Don’t tell me you are too tired or too busy or your children have an event you have to get them to. This is the event they need to be at. Learning to be active citizens of this country. 

Let us not despair. Let us take a deep breath. Let us redouble our efforts. We need to use the rights that so many have fought and died for. Let us continue to work for the good. Together the people can make change. We took congress in 2018. We can make change. Now is not the time to step back. No one else can save us but each other.  Let us remember why we are doing this. Because we believe that each of us has inherent worth. Each of us should be given the opportunity and means to reach our potential. We believe in truth, and justice on this earth and for this earth.

If you do not agree me this is not the venue for this, and I will delete your comments. This is for all those who are struggling today.  This is to remind you that you are not alone. We are in this together. If we believe we can make change. If we are willing to sacrifice. Then and only then will change happen. When we make it happen. And we can. WE CAN.

Tuesday, February 26, 2019

True Detective Season 3 - Love can transcend suffering if we let it.


My reflection on True Detective Season 3

First a short recap of seasons 1 and 2 –
Season One was groundbreaking for its style and that it was a television series with famous movie stars. (Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson) I found it more quirky and new for TV, then good, but I enjoyed Matthew McConaughey’s character philosophical diatribes and the question of good and evil. (always a favorite topic of mine)

Season 2 starred Vince Vaughn and Collin Ferrell. Critics generally panned season 2. I liked it. It was less subtle and more over the top, but it was also more real and relevant in many ways and focused on the theme of fatherhood and its different meanings, and how it impacts men. It also has the theme of bad guy trying to change for good and being  drawn back into old life. This is also a favorite theme of mine as well.  

Actually looking at all three seasons here, it is more obvious that the writers are clearly focused on men and the role of masculinity in society. Maybe because I am a man, and father of two men, I found this more interesting. However there is very little focus on women or major roles for women.
Also, whereas Season 2 focused on big city corruption and challenges, as in Season 1, season 3 brings us a fairly negative view of rural living. (Isolation, alcoholism, limited opportunities, corruption, back room deals, etc.) I have no idea of its accuracy, since I have never lived in a rural community, but it mostly focused on the negative, and not much positive.

Season 3 starred Mahershala Ali and Stephen Dorf as Detectives investigating the disappearance of two children. It uses flash forwards and covers 3 time periods of time in the life of the detectives and the case. I admit at times it was hard to determine between the first two time periods and the only way I could was by the growth of Stephen Dorf’s beard and his balding hair.  
The show also includes the challenges of the detective and his family when he starts developing dementia in his old age and is trying to remember the case and just forgets how or why he is somewhere.  I appreciated this often neglected topic being an ongoing part of the show.    
Overall I liked the season. The fact that it moved me to write something about it, is a testament to it..  Everything wrapped up very quickly in the second half of the last episode, with a few twists and turns, and a feel good ending. It was logical and made sense, but it felt unsatisfying. Sort of here are the answers to all your questions now. One quip is that again, although the show did have a strong female character, (her research writing a book about the case actually helped her husband solve the case). However she was used mostly as a counterpoint to Mahershala Ali’s character and I didn’t feel she was focused on enough.  Also her death is never explained and she is not part of the show in the later time period and becomes invisible and in fact is only seen as a ghost during that time period. Also Ali’s daughter only shows up in the last 5 minutes of the last episode and it is clear throughout the show they had a strained relationship. He asked her at the end “Did I lose you?” His son stayed in town and took care of Ali. Again, women disappear, men stay and take care of things. It is a terrible message but it is part of a cultural narrative about how men are made to feel they should be.   
The show also did have a focus on the difficulties men have in relationships. How men keep their feelings internalized, and how that leads to a very lonely life. Even Mahershala Ali’s character, who we see developing a better understanding of himself through his interaction with and the deepening relationship with his wife, in the end, at the end of his life, is alone in the jungle in Vietnam. This metaphor of his being alone is used throughout the movie. His struggle to share his feelings or information, in his mind as a way to protect his wife, but really it is protecting himself from his own pain, or in his mind maybe protecting her from his pain. But in the end they decide to let go of the past, and start anew, living in a way that is not tied to the past and true to themselves. We see a glimpse that this happened, but in the end after his wife’s death, he I drawn back to his memory of this unresolved case. The theme of closing off the memory of our emotions and the pain it causes is an ongoing theme. The father of the children, says in the second time frame “Whatever it takes to stop feeling. I mean, there's no point. Ain't nobody left to feel anything for.” And Stephen Dorf’s character seems to show only immense feelings for his dogs.
 We all suffer in our lives, and the message here is that if we don’t acknowledge our suffering it will become self destructive or destructive.
 The show also touches on the redemption theme or in this case lack of redemption.  The detectives in their pursuit of the truth did a terrible deed. This negatively affected their relationship for years, until the passing of time, and memory, brought them back together. Ali’s character, in the end just as he is about to solve the case, has a bout with his dementia and never realizes he may have solved it.  
The people involved in the disappearance of (and murder of one of) the children as well suffered. One of them tried to redeem himself for his actions, but was unsuccessful. He searched to find the truth and was left unfulfilled.  At the end when confronted he said, “I cant take it anymore. Kill me or arrest me. I cant live with it anymore” The detectives let him live with his pain.  The silence of keeping secrets destroys us.
The lines of the poem read (see poem below) at the beginning of the last show were haunting for me:
“What am i now that I was then
Which I shall suffer and act again
Time is the school in which we learn 
Time is the fire in which we burn:”
The story shows that people can transcend their trauma if they are intentional. It also asks the question and makes the point that we often fall into the same traps that we make for ourselves. And in some cases by the time we learn and grow, it is too late to always appreciate the learning. It was (and as I look back on the series) it is a little depressing, only because I see some truth in it. it is a reminder to me to be intentional and to be open about my feelings and to appreciate or at least be present to every single moment of every single day, because we don’t know when it will end. We don’t every really forget until we do. So let us use our memories and learn from them. And move forward in our lives. We sometimes make terrible choices. We cant change them and their outcomes,  but we can learn to make better choices going forward.  We never really know the outcome of our actions before we do them, and as Ali’s character says “You do your best and you learn to live with the ambiguity”
So I know this all sounds dark, But the lasting message is that we can transcend our challenges and that it is Love that helps us transcend that challenge. I cant say much more without giving spoilers.
The opening of the season 3 finale of True Detective were an excerpt from the poem 
“Calmly We Walk Through This April Day” by Delmore Schwartz.
“What will become of you and me
Beside the photo and the memory

This is the school in which we learn
That time is the fire in which we burn 
What is the self amid this blaze
What am i now that I was then
Which I shall suffer and act again
The children shouting are bright as they run
This is the school in which they learn
What am I now that I was then
May memory restore again and again
The smallest color of the smallest day
Time is the school in which we learn 
Time is the fire in which we burn”

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

End the dictatorship.


This is some semblance of what I said at the "National Emergency Protest" Rally
I am Rev. Jay Wolin, Minister of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation, and chair of the Quad Cities Interfaith Restorative Justice Task Force. 
We have gathered here tonight in response to the President’s declaring a national emergency. Something we know is not an emergency,
something the president has himself said is not an emergency.
It is a self indulgent craven political move to act as a dictator rather then as a President.
There comes a time in history,
when we have to call out evil acts for what they are. There are  not good people on both sides of this argument.
On the one side you have The President unabashed lying and appealing to fear and racism currently being enabled by Republicans in the Senate.
I call that evil, I call it evil, because the outcome of that appeal, leads to suffering, to separating families and imprisoning children.
On the other side are people of good conscience. People who appeal to  compassion and love and justice. 
The question is what are the good people going to do?
We come together tonight find support amongst ourselves, to raise awareness of this injustice.  
But if that is all we do, then we are no better then the Germans who allowed their neighbors to be led to the gas chambers.
We are no better then the Americans  who allowed Japanese American neighbors to have their land stolen and put in camps during WWII,
and the truth is, we are no better because today we allow children to be locked in cages on our southern border.
It is not enough to be kind.
It is not enough to come to a rally.
We have to take action.
We have to organize,
we have to run for office,
we have to vote, Go to city council meetings,
go to school board meetings
make our voices heard, and if they don’t listen
we have to close the city down if necessary,
close this country down if necessary
until this evil is banished from this land. 
There comes a time when good people must make a stand and some times it takes a sacrifice on all our parts.
Now is such a time.  Now is the tipping point.
There is an old saying the most committed wins.
If we do nothing, evil will win. What will you do. There are many good organizations sponsoring this event tonight, Quad Cities Interfaith is having their task force meetings tomorrow night and I personally invite you to attend, but more so,
I ask you when you go home tonight to ask you conscience, to ask whatever God you pray to,
what are you going to do to end the evil acts of the Oligarchic Dictatorship that is currently running this country.
The future of our country is at stake.
The future for our children is at stake.
Now is the time.
If we wait much longer it will be too late.
Now is the time.  
Let me hear you say it.
Now is the time
Let us not falter in our duty to ourselves, 
To our families
To our community
To our country