Audio Book Review - Pachinko

 I just finished listening to the audio recording of Pachinko this week. It is just over 18 hours (or 512 pages if you are reading). I saw Apple TV has a show on this and I wanted to read/listen to the book before I watched it. 

The book is the story of 4 generations of a Korean family that emigrated to Japan in the early 1900s after Japan had invaded and taken over Korea. It started off a little slow for me, but then captivated me. I admit there was one time I was so enmeshed in the book that at the point when one of the characters dies, I was absolutely shaken, and had to stop listening for a bit. That rarely happens to me. It was interesting to see how different individuals dealt differently with being an unwelcome immigrant. It was also interesting to learn a bit about how different Japanese characters  reacted and interreacted both positively and negatively with Korean immigrants. After WWII the question of whether to return to Korea or not was a question and thus the question of how we define home is raised up. The book depicts how class and professions often identify us in society.  It shows how the consequences of actions have repercussions beyond just ourselves and beyond just our generation. It is easy to see how actions beyond our control impact us. It raises the question about what is love, and what is family and how different people come away with different answers. 

I tend to like sweeping dramas showing cross cultural currents with history as a backdrop. This book provided all that for me and more.

The Beautiful Things That Heaven Bears – By Dionaw Mengestu

A nice, sad, poignant novel, that tells the story of an immigrant from Ethiopia. I was sorry for it to end, so I must have liked it.

The title of the book comes from a quote from Dante Alighieri's, "Inferno"

“To get back up to the shining world from there

My guide and I went into that hidden tunnel,

And Following its path, we took no care

To rest, but climbed: he first, then I-so far,

through a round aperture I saw appear

Some of the beautiful things that Heaven bears,

Where we came forth, and once more saw the stars.”

The book shares the interior life of immigrant and store owner Sepha Stephanos who came to America to escape the violent revolution in his home country. He explores the hopes, dreams others have for him and he has for himself. The pull of the world and people he knew and always feeling as an outsider in the new world he inhabits. His relationship with a wealthy white woman and her daughter in their gentrifying neighborhood, and his store,  are interposed and intertwined with the experience of an African Immigrant in America.  What I liked most about the book, is that it touches on the full gamut of real emotions, whether admitted or not. We see the way his mind works, the secrets he keeps, and the realization of how we understand events over time to be different.  

Emblematic of their life journey, his friend is writing an epic poem about Africa that is never finished. Forced out due to violence, with hopes and dreams and a feeling of obligation, that sometimes makes it  seem their life is not their own. The ending of one of the poems is

“We have come this far,

to find we have even further to go

The last traces of a permanent twilight

have faded and given way

To what we hope is nothing short of a permanent dawn.”

And eventually that is boiled down to

“Let us stop. Let us begin again.

Let us clean the blood from the rubber fields

And do what we promised to do.”

The story shows the journey through life and his realization of his realizations for better and worse.

“We walk away and try not to turn back, or we stand just outside the gates, terrified to find whats waiting for us now that we’ve returned. In between, we stumble blindly from one place and life to the next. We try to do the best we can. There are moment like this, however, when we are neither coming nor going, and all we have to do is sit and look back on the life we have made”

It is a good reminder to focus on what kind of life we are making. Life is ongoing. 

 

Book Review - Jack" by Marilynne Robinson

 I just finished reading Jack, the fourth in the series of Gilead Novels by Marilynne Robinson. Gilead is a story of two families of two ministers in a small town in Iowa. I have really enjoyed this series. The book “Lila” in particular was a phenomenal book. In each of the successive books after Gilead, Robinson focuses on a minor character in the first book Gilead. She delves deep into their interior thoughts, lives and motivations.  The Book Jack focuses on the wayward son Jack, who has lived a life full of mischief, poor decisions, alcoholism, regret and I would say a lack of direction. At times Jack may seem to have a rakish charm, but mostly he is just a self absorbed failure. For most of the book he seems to accept this about himself.  I would have liked to hear him reflect more about his family of origin. 

The book centers around his relationship with Della. It is of some interest to see the challenges added to their relationship due their interracial romance in the 1950s with miscegenation laws. I would have liked to hear more about Della’s family. Their cameo appearance in the end was a more interesting part of the book. The underlying issue the book deals with is grace and whether we feel we deserve it or are willing to accept it. Still the book is about Jack and all his interior thoughts for 322 pages. Whereas I found Lila’s life, mind and journey fascinating to follow, I found Jack’s thoughts about his incessant self pity, whining and self destructiveness got boring after the first 200 pages. Perhaps that says more about me then the book. I just found him an uninteresting character. Truthfully he seemed a more mysterious interesting character in Gilead that I had hoped to know more of. Perhaps that is the point, that some people are just uninteresting and even they deserve grace. 

Even after reading the book, there are two questions that still perplex me. Why did Della love him? Did she just want someone to save? (I guess I will have to wait for another book by Robinson about Della). Why didn’t they move to a state that did not have miscegenation laws? Still the book showed the challenges of how difficult it is to change one’s life and how the world can crush you. And then sometimes, in a moment, even if just a moment life can be beautiful and full of possibilities. Unfortunately that is the way this book felt. Some really beautiful moments, but mostly the look inside the pedantic mind of Jack Boughton.

Book Review. – Lila by Marilynne Robinson.

I am not often surprised by a book, but this book surprised me in a fascinating way and I loved it. Let me explain. Lila is a minor character from the book Gilead. Gilead was a nice book about a preacher from a small town in Iowa. Both this book, Lila and the book “Home” are books about other minor characters in Gilead. Home was about the wayward son of the preachers friend who was a retired minister and neighbor. Lila, is the story about the Preacher’s wife. I knew that going in. I was always curious about her in Gilead. We didn’t learn much about her other then she was much younger then the Preacher, and not as formally educated, and they had a child together. That left a voyeuristic curiosity to her backstory Let alone her character even in Gilead.  She was always quiet, in the background, seemingly stern worried about her husband’s health.

In Lila, we learn about her upbringing and how they came to be together. And it was totally unexpected. Perhaps that says more about me and my bias towards imagining characters…That is the big question of the book. Why do things happen the way they do. The book covers deep religious topics such as grace, redemption, sin and life after death from the perspective of Lila who knew little of formal religion before meeting the Preacher John Ames. Her asking him very raw basic questions about religion and faith and God seems to light a spark in him. It also speaks about his willingness to recognize and risk love at the same time assuming it would not last.   

We meet Lila as a young child as she is being kidnapped by someone, from what we are led to believe is a dangerous situation. I say we are led to believe because we really do not know and all Lila knows is what her rescuer/kidnapper Doll tells her. She lived most of her life living day to day with a group of people just trying to survive as itinerant workers . Part of why Doll joins this group is a need to stay under the radar for fear that people will be after her for taking Lila.

Through Lila’s memories, we experience her deepest interior thoughts and how she developed into the person she is. It tells about their life on the road, and what happens after the depression hits and their group of people disband. How that type of life led to a life of loneliness and fear. Yet it also spoke to the simplicity of life. One year Doll took her off there road to go to school and when asked what country she lived in she spoke of the beautiful fields and trees. Because what information do we really need to know to survive.  The story highlighted the fragileness and harshness of life dependent on seasons and good will of others. There was a freeness about it, but it was also a reminder of how that kind of freedom offers limited options and support when things go bad. Being someone who has moved away from “home” and from a people who have been forced over time to move,  I understand the yearning to be in a place where people have known your people for generations. It is something I will never have, but I like the feeling of it.

When your focus is on surviving day to day, you do live in the moment, do what you have to, but you have to always be on your guard and lack the ability to trust others. After the apparent death of Doll (I say apparent, because the sequence of events would lead us to believe that, but we don’t really know. Another message from the book is that we really do not know much. Anyway after Lila is alone it tells of her hard time in St. Louis. It is interesting that the book portrays St. Louis as a place where sin happens. She escapes her difficult situation. But there is also an interesting perspective of feeling security for the known, and finding happiness even in the smallest things when you are suffering even if they are an illusion. And that leads to complexity of her settling down and marrying John Ames. Imagining it is an illusion, being on guard always for something bad to happen, or fear of doing something bad that will upset others. How her experiences in the world made it hard to trust anything or anyone, even her own thoughts. Fear never leaves you when it is deep in your bones. The book offer the possibility that if we can live through the sufferings of our life, a new life can be created that offers a balm to our suffering, with the patient love of family and community.  

I’m listing some quotes from the book.  It is a way to keep some poignant thoughts in the forefront of my thoughts. :

“Lila “What do you ever tell people in a sermon except that thing that happen mean something? Some man dies somewhere a long time ago and that means something. People eat a bit of bread and that means something. Then why wont you say how you know that? Do you just talk that way because youre a preacher? This kind of thinking made a change in her loneliness, made it more tolerable for her. And she knew how dangerous that could be. She had told herself more than once not to call it loneliness, since it wasn tany different from one year to the next. It was just how her body felt, like hungry or tired, except it was always there, always the same”

“When folks are down to the one thing that keeps them alive, that one thing can be meanness. It makes you feel like youre there, youre doing something”

Lila        “I don’t trust nobody”

Ames    “No wonder you’re tired”

Lila        “What isn’t strange when you think about it.”

             

Lila        “Existence can be fierce”

             

Lila        “To put everything else away from her, because that ache was, first and last where she came from and what waited for her.”             

Lila        “Im still thinking. Maybe Ill tell you when Im done”

Ames    “But  you might never get done, you know, Thinking is endless”

Lila        “How strange it seemed to be at peace”

Lila        “You’d think a man as careful as this Job might have had a storm cellar’

About going to the movies

Lila        “The best part was always to sitting there in the dark, seeing what she had never seen anywhere before, and mostly believing it.”

Ames    “Joy and loss exists in its own right and must be recognized for what it is. Sorrow is very real and loss feels very final to us. Life on earth is difficult and grave, and marvelous. Our experience is fragmentary. Its parts don’t add up. They don’t even belong in the same calculation. Sometimes it is hard to believe they re all parts of one thing. Nothing makes sense until we understand that experience does not acculuate like money or memory, or like years.”

Lila        “Near as I can tell you were wanting to reconcile thing bys saying they cant be reconciled”

Lila        “After a while it may have been my loyalty I was loyal to”

Lila        “Ive been tramping around with the heathens. Theyre just as good an anybody, so far as I can see. They sure don’t deserve no hellfire”

Lila        “The best things that happen I’d never have thought to pray for. In a million years. The worst things just come like the weather. You do what you can”

Lila        That’s how it is. Lila had borne a child into a world where a wind could rise that would take him from her arms as if there were no strength in the at all. Pity us, yes, but we are brave, she thought and wild, more life in us than we can bear, the fire infolding itself in us. That peace could only be amazement too. 

Book Review “Home” by Marilynne Robinson

This is a follow up book to the Pulitzer Prize winning Gilead about a rural Iowa Congregationalist Minister. My review of Gilead can be found here.
http://jwoworld.blogspot.com/2014/12/book-review-gilead.html

I liked the concept of this book. It’s story takes place at  the same time and with the same characters that are in Gilead, except it focuses on two different characters that were more minor characters in the Gilead Story. I felt like I already knew something about the characters and now this book goes into more depth.  It is the story of a sister and brother, one very dutiful, the other a reprobate (authors word). It discusses the return of both to their ancestral house. They are taking care of their ailing father who is a retired Presbyterian Minister. Both have their secrets, ulterior motives for being there, both have their personal failures, and both learn to live with them in different ways. The book is really the inner life of these two characters. It is a well written and like Gilead, at times a bit slow but easy read. From a theological perspectives It touches on salvation, forgiveness, predestination, redemption and how that plays out in our day to day lives. Do we find ourselves to have a role to play in the larger scheme of things and even if that does not bring us happiness does it bring us purpose? And is that good or bad.

In the end, it also speaks about the concept of what home is. Is it a physical place,  a touchstone for the history of who we are and how we became who we were. Or is it a state of mind, a place where we find our way. What are the touchstones of your lives? Why do we always look to escape the place from which we were raised?

“All of them call it home, but they never stay….Home, what kinder place could there be on earth and why did it seem to them all like exile….The soul finds its own home, if it ever has a home at all””

Overall I found it a very sad book. That is not good or bad, it is just how it left me. At the end, I was sad for the characters. It made me realize how often we are trapped in our own stories, and how we judge ourselves more harshly then others might. It also focuses on the beauty of the banality of simple kindnesses, but how often that can lead us to avoid our truth.
If you like to read about the inner lives of what drives people, and how they live within the dynamics of family and fitting in or not, it is a good But somber read.

Review of Born to Run – Autobiography of Bruce Springsteen

I recently finished this 500 or so page book. I knew before I even started it, I would love it. Springsteen’s music was formative for me growing up and his concerts are moving and electrifying and he rightfully calls them revivals. In one way, I was curious about the man whose music affected me. I was also curious how much of my perception would be different then what he writes about himself.  Although I can nitpick here and there, the book is a well written book. That shouldn’t surprise anyone. Springsteen is a great writer of songs which tell stories. The book is at times a series of vignettes that seem like Flannery O’conner short stories. He looks back on his life adding flourishing descriptors and with a psychological perspective trying to make sense of it all. I appreciated the stories of the struggle of his upbringing on the Jersey Shore, his persistence of breaking into music, his struggle to get the “right sound”, his struggle with the business side of the music industry, his struggles with relationships  and how he dealt with stardom. He goes into depth about his relationship with his Family, especially his father and how that was formative for him.  I also Shamelessly admit (although there was not much about it,) I enjoyed that he did write briefly about his first marriage and why it failed. (my perception was wrong about this)  Another important topic that he touched on was his battle with depression and his seeking help for it. Although he has mentioned it in interviews, he goes into a bit of depth about how it affected him. My nitpicking would be, he barely touched on the reason the E Street Band broke up. He alludes to a few things, but doesn’t go into depth about it. I imagine since they are back together he didn’t understandably want to open old wounds. It was interesting to see the development of his music from personal stories to a craft of songwriting. The second half of the book seemed to be a little rushed, but I imagine after page 400, he needed to start wrapping it up. Even if you are not a Bruce Springsteen fan, it is an easy and informative read about how and  what it takes to become and survive being a rock and roll star. My image of him has not been shaken. In fact as usual, his story and his writing inspire me.

The moral of the story is Know who you are and what you want, be authentic to who you are, be persistent and willing to sacrifice it all to maintain that authenticity, find people you can trust, and ask for help when you need it.

A Thousand Acres by Jane Smiley

So of course she won the Pulitzer for this book, but that in and of itself doesn’t prejudge a book for me. I have sat thinking about this book for a couple of days now.  This was an easy read. It is the story of a third generation farmer who gives his farm to two of his three daughters and their spouses and the aftermath of how that affected the family. What I like most was the book gave me a sense of what it was like to live and work on a family farm. Being a city kid now living in Iowa, I found this helpful and interesting. I felt like I was peering into a foreign culture. The story depicts the dysfunction and dynamics within families. It talks about our inner lives compared to our outer lives. It is a reminder that we often don’t really know the suffering that most people live with. It points to the strength, the pain and destruction of keeping secrets. Ultimately it talks about how our history, all of it is a large part of defining who we are.  My only slight complaint about the book is that for the first 2/3 of the book it was evenly paced developing the characters. Then in the last third of the book it felt very rushed to tell us all the secrets. Time lapsed without going into depth how these revelations affected the characters in other then a cursory way. Even so, I think I was just seeking more of a good thing. I couldn’t put it down. I highly recommend it 

Enemies by Maxim Gorky

I just finished re-reading this play for the first time after seeing in some off-off Broadway production over 30 years ago. It tells the story of Russia on the brink of revolution in 1906 as capsulated in the tension of a strike by workers at a textile factory(?) owned by the wealthier class.  Although it spoke specifically about class warfare vs. race issues, I think the play still makes some fundamental points that are relative to the tensions in our society  today. 

            What struck me about the play was that its reference to enemies was not so much between the classes (although that is implied) but among the wealthy class.  One of the wealthy class laments how the workers are united and trust each other. She goes on to say “We live like enemies, believing in nothing, bound together by nothing, each for ourselves” This  speaks to me of our ongoing culture of competitiveness and our constant worry and need to maintain our advantage in the world.  This to me is one reason why we come together in religious community. To be bound together (the actual meaning of the word  religion) to determine what we believe about the big questions of life. And so it raises the question for me, what do we really believe in regarding justice? Are we committed to it? My religious journey has led me here. But if we are not bound together in this, and bound together with the communities in need, then in the end it is just a self serving  position to make us feel better about ourselves and more comfortable in our place in power. If we really believe in justice we must be willing to commit and to sacrifice.

 In the play there is a young wealthy liberal Nadya who is revolutionary.  The older wealthy people find her insufferable and naïve, but the workers themselves do not bring themselves to trust her either. As she is questioning her place in society, the stoic actress Tattiana says  “If your going to ask yourself questions, you’ll end up a revolutionary.. and founder in that hurricane “ Nadya replies “One must be something, one simply must. One cant live ones life gaping at everything and not understanding anything” Its true, if we question the status quo, we must become revolutionaries. In small and large ways.  Just by becoming Unitarian Universalists, we are questioning the status quo of our religious society.  Why do we stop there?  It also shows the need to support our youth and young adults in their journeys so they will have the courage to find their own way and not left vacillating between boomer morals and the reality they experience in the world that differs with those.

 The play clearly shows the privileged class’ lack of self awareness in addition to their lack of awareness of the workers experiences.  There is the bias that workers are different and have a lack of sophistication. It shows the juxtaposition of the co-managers of the plant, one a hard conservative who believes the workers need to be kept in their place and the liberal who would like to accommodate the workers,  but can never see the workers as partners or equals (even to sit and have tea with). In the end those in power utilized government power to quell the strikers.

            I think the differentiation between conservative and liberal wealthy is intriguing and speaks to human nature. The conservative wife says “I like everybody to be well defined, I like to know what a person’s after. I think people who don’t know exactly what they want are dangerous, not to be trusted” This speaks to the most basic question of how we deal with uncertainty. Are we so willing to maintain  certainty that we are willing to limit ourselves and harm others?  Or are we willing to risk the certain for the possibility of living a meaningful life where our actions match our values.   

            The play also showed that the workers were just as morally ambiguous in utilizing power by sacrificing an innocent worker for the great good and murdering the conservative manager of the plant.. It is a reminder to me that it is not our intentions, but our actions that need to be held up to our values. In the end, we know that Stalin came to power and pitted workers against each other creating fear and distrust amongst each other. Our country as well has also used race as a way to divide the common interests of all poor and working class people.  We must be  wary of those in power separating people via competing oppressions.  We don’t all have to be friends, but we most certainly must not be enemies.  And if we have the courage we will use our power  to shape a more just future.               
            I just received an email from someone thanking me for advice I gave them many years ago when he was thinking of starting his own business. The advice I gave (which I once received from someone) was to cut off all the lifeboats.  For if you run in to trouble,  (and you most certainly will run into trouble at some point.)  you will jump in the lifeboat. But if you have no lifeboats, you will be forced to figure out a way to make it through the trouble. In other words, we must go all in, in whatever endeavor we are pursuing and pursue it with everything we have.   I am glad I picked up this play to read.  It obviously got me thinking!!

Book Review – Gilead

This book had been recommended by a number of Ministers I respect, so I picked up a copy and read it over the Thanksgiving Holiday.  It was one of two fiction books I have read this year.  With reading so much for sermon preparation in mind, I tend to read more theological/religous oriented books.  I can count on both hands the number of fiction books I have read since entering Ministry. (for the record, prior to ministry I was an avid fiction reader, particularly fond of the spy and science fiction genres. I am commited to reading more fiction in my life!!)   So now when I do read fiction, I really want to make sure it is going to be something I will enjoy!! 

Gilead is a pullitzer prize winner by Marilynne Robinson.  Set in a rural Iowa it is a dieing Ministers reflection on his life and his vocation to be shared in later years with his young child.  Although the book flows well it has a few slow patches.  Just like our lives have a few slow patches.  It is a thoughtful book.  I think it would be more appreciated by ministers who might see a bit of themselves, or probably moreso a commonality of feelings about the vocation itself.   I also think it is appealing to people who live in a rural environement.  The protagonist says “And I knew what hope it was. It was just that kind the place was meant to encourage, that a harmless life could be lived here unmolested.”  And yet, we know that no place provides a harmless life. And such a place creates a homogenous environment that is not safe for outsiders.  Still we all seek at least metaphorically or a state of mind that is harmless.  The story told the beauty of doing the small thing just for the sake of doing it and recognizing the beauty in that.  It also touches on the balance of staying in a safe place and going beyond it. How sometimes we have to leave to become who we were meant to be, or to create a new vision for ourselves.  Yet ultimately we have to find a place we can call home.   The book did not sugarcoat ministry by any means.  It showed the challenges, uncertainties and struggles of it.  It also showed the wonder and fulfillment of ministry. After providing care to someone he’d known as a child the protagonist said “Id have gone through seminary and ordination an all the years interveing for that one moment” I think every minister can relate to that. 

If you like action books, this one is not for you.  But if you like to see a slice of life of rural minister it is a balm.  

Book Review – "Falling Upward" by Richard Rohr.

Richard Rohr is a Franciscan priest, who carries on the Christian Mystic tradition. He was deeply influenced by Thomas Merton.  In this book Rohr weaves the story of Jesus and Christianity, the Greek Myths of the Hero’s journey,  modern psychology, literature and even a connection with Buddhism.   It is a short easy to read book. The major premise of the book is that we have two stages of life, and that we must transcend the first stage to reach the second stage.  That transcending may be leaving behind ideas that we were raised with, as well as the search for our true self beyond the rational thought.  “We do what we are called to do, and then try to let go of the consequences”.  Words spoken by saints and madmen.  I would contend we are responsible for the consequences of our actions.  The key from a Buddhist perspective is not to become attached to the outcome for that causes suffering.  That doesn’t mean we abdicate responsibility, just our abdication of our longing for a hope for outcome. Rohr’s contention is that suffering is the catalyst that moves us to spiritual growth. I think that suffering can and often has moved others to grow and to transcend.  However the struggle I have with Christian versus Buddhist thought is that Buddhism accepts all of life is suffering and offers a path to end suffering. Christianity and even in some ways Rohr, seems to encourage actively engaging in suffering as the path to enlightenment. I think Christians fell in love with the suffering Jesus  I think this is a dangerous perspective.  I am more easily able to relate to the heroes journey, and returning home with new wisdom, or the Siddhartha leaving the palace, experiencing suffering and searching for meaning, than I am to Jesus suffering on the cross. . Rohr, uses this metaphorically, but we all know how many people use this suffering metaphor as a reason to not transcend their environment of suffering.. Rohr actually does say “Failure and suffering are the great equalizers and levelers among humans. …There is a strange and even wonderful communion in real human pain, actually much more than in joy, which is too often manufactured and and passing”  Yes, there is commonality in human pain, but that is different than communion.  We need to face our pain, recognize our pain, and even embrace our pain.(I think Rohr would agree)  But pain in and of itself is not a virtue. Much of the book reads like a eastern religious guide to no-self, non-dualistic way of being.  (which is what we find in the second part of our life). Sadly most of Christianity does not see the Jesus story in that way. In fact, almost all of Christianity sees the Jesus story in a pure dualistic way.  Rohr tries to point us to the farther shore, but I am still looking at his finger pointing to it. I love the mystics, and the mystical tradition. But at some point you have to come down from the mountain (out of the monastery) and be compassionate to others, and engage with the others in the larger world to help others end their own suffering.  It is ok to be for yourself, but as Rabbi Hillel says “if I am only for myself, who am I?”  I think Rohr would agree with this. His is an all inclusive message of God’s love for all people, and all creation and that being in the second stage of our life leads us to eliminate the need to have barriers between us. It’s a good book, not a great book. It didn’t move me tremendously. It did remind me though to look at what are the issues that cause me to react and to see where that is coming from. Always a good reminder.  As in Dante’s Divine Comedy, we are all Virgil, we are all Beatrice,  guides through Hell and Heaven. We are all Odysseus trying to find our way home. As T.S. Eliot wrote

“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”

Black Hawk - Book Review

Black Hawk.
An “Autobiography” from Penguin books, that indicates it is the closest of the various versions of this autobiography. One of my new friends from Iowa sent me a copy of the book, as Blackhawk was from that area. I had originally heard of Blackhawk from wondering where the name Black Hawk came from after watching the movie Black Hawk Down. I was never taught about him in history class in school. The lack of information about Native Americans in our education is another issue to write about it at another time. I put autobiography in quotes as of course his words were translated by Whites. There is no question in my mind that there were certain edits in the translation. So it is hard to tell what words and which stories are really his versus the translators. He is often overly complimentary about the American Military leaders, to the point of being deferential. And I also have to wonder how much of this was spoken by him as a way to burnish his image after his defeat. Although there is much that the he is honest about in his errors of tactics and judgment.

Most of what I have researched about Black Hawk portrayed him as a fierce warrior of the Sauk people. And in fact the Black Hawk War was the only war named after an individual. He and his group of people fought against the Americans in the War of 1812 as well. He chronicles both his victories and defeat. Yet in the book he is portrayed as often bewildered by the clash of cultures, merely trying to preserve his people’s way of life. I found it interesting that in his decision to continue the war (as opposed to the remainder of the tribe which capitulated early) he still had women and children with him. Certainly a different cultural phenomenon than what we are used to. As well I imagine as stated, his hope was to reclaim the land they had planted and lived on, and their ancestors were buried upon. But clearly, he did not anticipate the pragmatic challenge of fighting a war with the Americans. It also shows the lack of unity among the Native Americans and how the White Europeans took advantage of that.

I found it interesting how the Easterners were fascinated by him, and overtly friendly to him. He pointed to the fact that the people who lived in the mountains (along the train ride throughout the east) seemed to follow the Christian Golden Rule and the Settlers who had conquered his land did not. There have been many other books written about how Americans have idealized Native Americans (or their vision of what Native Americans are).

It was interesting to read his surprise as certain customs and tactics of the Whites. A reminder for ourselves when we engage other cultures, how strange we may appear to them and in turn to be respectful of differences in other cultures.

Ultimately though it is about the story of a defeated, conquered people overwhelmed by a superior force in numbers and technology and one man’s desperate attempt to maintain some dignity in the face of this, and his ultimate defeat, yet survival to tell his story.

So I look back and see I have written “it was interesting” numerous times. Although the pace of the book was stilted, clearly if you like history it is a good read to at least gain a partial perspective of how our settlement of this country looked from the perspective of one Native American.

And then of course I wondered, what in my life today, do I not see the full picture of. Are there forces in our culture that I just do not understand that will overwhelm and defeat me. Should we adapt to and combat the inevitable force, or accept defeat and be assimilated by it. Do we go off and live in our quiet little place and just shut out the rest of the world or do we rage against the world that has defeated us. The question is how do we adapt the superior force to change and to integrate a minority position. Do we create polarities and wait until enough people have been negatively impacted by the majority so that the minority becomes the majority or do we try to find a middle ground where both polarities are integrated, where we can hopefully find a better middle way for all. How can we unite our various fractured constituencies to unify to move forward towards a different vision of what America can be.

The Iceman Cometh - Free from illusions

When I look back on my life there are many writings that affected my life. However there was not one particular piece that created a single moment of insight as to my vocation. My pursuit of ministry has been a life long journey that leads me to this place and time. When I look back over my life, I thought of one particular play that I read that jump started a journey of searching for the truth. It is a play I have continued to think about throughout my life. When I first read Eugene O’Neil’s “The Iceman Cometh” in my late teens, I was cynical and pessimistic about the ways of the world. Due to the lens of experiences I had grown up with, I had given up on the idea that there was a God. I remember that once I started reading this play, I could not put it down and stayed up all night to finish it.

The characters in the story are down on their luck alcoholics. These individuals are on the lowest rung of the ladder in society. They maintain illusions about how they happened to be in such a predicament in their life, and more importantly, how they would change their life one day and redeem themselves and their life. There are certain pairings of individuals, an ex-policeman and a crook, two combatants from opposite sides of a war, a revolutionary and an individual who has a forsaken the concept of revolution, and a pimp and his hookers to name a few of the characters. One day, an old friend walks in the bar and tries to convince them that they will find peace only if they face their illusions and realize them for what they are. His concept is that once they see themselves for what they are, their true inner self, they will see that they are just alcoholics, and they will not need their illusions. As it turns out he believes this because he killed his wife and found peace because he no longer had the guilt of constantly lying to her and knowing she would forgive him. Upon killing her, he felt peace because he no longer had to keep up the illusion that he would reform one day. Yet when he made the cast of characters confront their illusions, they did not find peace. Reality was just too harsh and had become a living death. In the end, the message of the play is that we all need certain illusions to help us make it through life.

Now this may seem like a strange story as an inspiration for ministry. If I had read this story later in life, I might not have had the same reaction. Yet what it showed me was that we all create illusions for ourselves to help us survive in a harsh world. This started me on a search for my true inner self. This also changed my perspective in how I viewed all things in the world. I learned that instead of looking at superficial aspects of something in life, I had to investigate the root cause and complexity of all points of view to gain a true understanding of such a thing. Confronting an illusion will cause the death of that illusion. However, once dead, there is fertile ground for the truth (or possibly another illusion) to achieve life.

At that time in my life I was tempted to take the position that others were under the illusion that there was a God, and I needed to confront others with their illusion. Yet intrinsically I knew that tearing down other people beliefs or illusions would not help me. I needed to understand my illusions and my inner self. My lack of knowledge and experience in the world had led me to certain conclusions about the world. The realization that I didn’t have enough knowledge and experience was the first step to breaking the illusion. I knew if I maintained the illusion of the world that I experienced, I would never evolve spiritually as human being. Without knowing what the truth was, I shed the illusion and started on the search for knowledge and understanding of God, and the way God works in this world.

Another thing I learned from this play was that you have to have a plan. Clearly these characters were flawed and at the end of the line. My perception at that time in my life was that although flawed, if I did not change, that I would end up at the end of my life in much the same manner as these characters. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I knew I had the ability to change. I knew it would be a long and arduous task, but if I focused on end result, I could persevere and succeed. Later in life I have learned to enjoy the road throughout the journey. This did teach me though that we have to choose the path carefully, and make sure we are heading in the right direction. We may have to adapt and take detours along the way, but we must think in advance which way we are heading. I also learned that answers are not instantaneous. The search for the truth can be a long journey until we find the answer. When we reach the destination it may not hold the answer we expect. The answers we receive also may raise new questions which will lead us off on another journey. Yet it is just that search for truth and meaning with love in our hearts and an open mind that will put us in touch with the divine and will eventually give us salvation.

Although this play has a bleak outlook on life, it makes me constantly reassess my self and my actions, to make sure that I am following a path that is right for me and is not based on illusion. This play showed me the need for discernment that continues today through deep thought about life. I do sometimes think that I create an illusion that living a moral, ethical life that is God centered is better because I fear the consequences of actions that society would deem immoral. Yet this is an illusion I would be happy to live with.

I read a story in a book that said that God was playing hide and seek with humans, but we were not looking. Well my driving search for truth about myself, has forced me to face the fact that I believe in a divine presence in the universe. It also forced me to face the fact about myself that I want to do good, and I want to help make the world a better place to live. I also want to help others see this light of goodness in the world and in their lives. My search for truth has shown me that there are many paths to reach this divine presence. There is great knowledge and insight we can learn from different world religions that can lead us on this path. In addition, there are many underlying truths that are similar in many world religions that can bind us together as we evolve as humans.

One of the last lines of this book, one of the characters states “Be God, there’s no hope! I’ll never be a success in the grandstand – or anywhere else! Life is too much for me! I’ll be a weak fool looking with pity at the two sides of everything till the day I die! May that day come soon!” These lines have always haunted me. I have for much of my life looked for balance and tolerance in this world. Yet sometimes we must act as a counterbalance to society at large to maintain such a balance. We must be willing when necessary to take a stand. We must take a stand for righteousness and justice when the rest of society stands idly bye. So just as this character has stood in the grandstands of life watching the game but not intervening, and at the end of day wishing for death, I submit that we cannot just sit idly bye and watch others manipulate the world for their own means. We must take action to educate and change the world, to help shape the world in the image of the divine. Although I do not agree with the message that the play offers, the ideas offered within it sparked such deep thought within me. These thoughts started me on my journey and continually keep me honest along the way.

Book Review - I'd Say Yes God, If I knew what you wanted

The title alone made this book intriguing. The concept of the book was timely as I go through a time in my life requiring spiritual discernment. I found the book an easy read. The book described a broad range of discernment techniques. I also feel the personal stories added a dimension that allowed one to better understand how each discernment process might be experienced. I enjoyed the balance of stories about historically known figures and people I will never know. It is a reminder that all people’s stories and experiences are important and a learning experience. Too often we go without ever hearing about the heroic stories of individuals’ spiritual journeys’. If nothing else this book is a reminder that we are not alone in this quest and that each person travels their own journey in a unique way.

I have tried a number of the discernment techniques described in the book. In particular, I have found the labyrinth to be a particularly powerful discernment practice. Our church created a full sized labyrinth, and out of respect for the work everyone did, I walked it. I really did not expect to gain anything from it. Yet in every step, I found a metaphor for life. Do we take shortcuts? Do we finish what we start? How do we avoid obstacles? Where we are heading? Life has some twists and turns and we need to continue to see where it leads. More importantly, the labyrinth is where I connected with the divine. It is something that is unexplainable to me even to this day. Possibly it is the focused nature of the activity. Over time, what I have found is that I can connect to the divine anywhere and at any time, if I open myself up to it. I still go back and walk the labyrinth on a periodic basis. Each time it re-focuses my attention to the divine.

Another technique of discernment I have used is journaling. When I started journaling I did not consciously realize it was for discernment. When I started I just wanted to express my ideas and thoughts on my experiences in life. As I wrote, I just let it flow from my mind (onto the computer). The more I did this, the more my thoughts flowed and the more self aware I became of who I was, how came to be who I was and why I thought what I thought. I think the dangerous thing about understanding the will of God, that even the author recognizes is that even psychotic murderers believe they are following the will of God. I think the reason I find the technique of journaling satisfying and enjoyable, is because it satisfies my psychological intellect that there is reason behind my journey, not just a mystical feeling. I think this speaks to the issue also that we must not rely on just one discernment technique. There is a need for both the mystical and the rational in our discernment process. I often find it interesting to go back and look at what I wrote a year or five years ago and to see what has and has not changed in my thought process.

I have also over the years had a meditation practice. When I have been disciplined in following my meditation consistently, I find myself more at peace, and more open to hearing God’s will. Another form of discernment that I use which I do not recall reading in the book is the arts. I have found the arts to be a great stimulus to better understand ourselves and the world around us. Particularly movies (and theatre to a smaller degree) have become the new storytellers in our society. These stories frame moral questions and issues that ask us to question our beliefs on certain issues. These stories allow us to see ourselves in the roles of these characters and make us question who we want to emulate, how we want to live our lives, and what we consider right and wrong.

There were many stories in the book that I found inspiring. In particular, Doug Seeley’s story on page 51-55, under the concept of Divinity loves Diversity was very moving. His struggle to understand and accept that there was something greater than our individual intellect that is active in this world resonated with me. It talked of the Oneness of the Universe and the connectedness of all things. . As I was reading this story, I really related to it and then at the end when I read he was a Unitarian I just smiled.

I think Doug Seeley’s story touched on another issue that is very important as well. The issue of synchronicity of the universe versus trusting your own instincts can be a conflict. Other stories in the book spoke of times when other people gave advice that related to their discernment but was ultimately in conflict with what the individual was feeling. Synchronicity is a challenging concept. It defies reason. In my life, when I look for it or become aware of it, I can say it does exist. I do not believe that life is a sequence of events that randomly happen. I believe life is causal in nature. Yet receiving a message (verbal or visual) or meeting a person at a critical time with no apparent connection happens. We all look for signs. We want to believe there is a reason for everything that happens. Sometimes this can lead to superstition, rationalization and wishful thinking. So as always, I look for balance. I open myself to the synchronicity of the universe without accepting it blindly. I analyze the messages I receive and make them a part of my decision making process.

I liked the comment from Rebecca’s story on page 175 that “if it doesn’t feel or seem right for you, wait. God will find other methods to inform you” and “God will keep working with us until we get the message.” Also in Catherine’s Story on 187 it states “God would be with me whatever road I took” was very comforting. Yet in the end discernment isn’t always (and shouldn’t) be a comforting experience. It should force us to face our deepest inner self with the goal of helping us shape our lives. I also believe there has to be a balance between ongoing discernment and discernment paralysis.

I believe discernment is an ongoing process. We must however at some point make a decision, commit to it, and act. Ultimately making decisions about our lives and acting on them needs to be the focus of our discernment. If we stay on the fence too long through indecision, although we may not fall (fail), we will never grow.