"Old Haunts"

Old Haunts By Jay Wolin
Drove through the old neighborhood today
Stopped by my old haunts
And they are haunted
With memories both good and bad
Memories of growth
Memories of pain
Memories of love
Memories of loss
I must remember
That is all they are
Just memories
That formed who I am
Today
It is good to see old friends
And see where their lives led
And see where my life led me from
And see where our lives are today
For better and worse
So busy going forward
I forget to look back
The past seems more distant
Like a dream I once dreamed
But it was all real
All the friends, foes, guides and interlopers
All the achievements, failures, adventures and missteps
All the wonder, struggle, joy and fear
I can’t put it behind me
I won’t put it behind me
I carry them all with me
Haunted by
What was
What could have been
What still could be.
And all I have is
What is
Today

Ode to My Children - a poem I wrote for Sunday's service "Black Lives Matter"

I always told my children

Who are now grown men

Not To Cower down to might

And to stand up for the right

I am blessed they are alive

And have a chance to thrive

I was ignorant their plight was hard

And how authorities played their cards

I didn’t tell them

They should obey

Always Do What they say

The Boys in Blue

It’s just the job they do.

Facing it every day

A Job driven by fear

Cant imagine what they see

Cant imagine what they hear

But the videos I see

Make me question, are we free

I see the after and not before

Its true I may not know the score

But shooting a man in the back

Its cowardly and unnecessary

And that is a fact

Pushing a child in bikini to the ground

Sitting on her  pulling her hair

Have we forgotten love

Have we forgotten care

Is it wrong,

Who am I to say

But due to my privilege

That’s the burden I must pay

I was born to write

I was born to speak

I cant be muted and

I cant be meek

Maybe if I stand up

To help end this racism

Maybe In the long run

It’ll  be a better place that we all live in

Maybe I stand up to the gun in my face

I stand with my brothers and sisters of a different race

Maybe I stand up with my face to the gun

Because maybe Next time

Maybe next time

They will target my sons

My sons,

They are all my sons

Wrote Arthur miller

He was condemning the capitalist

He was condemning war killers

The dead are all my brothers and sistas

We have to say more than just hey we’ll all  miss ya

We have to stop the notion

That people of color always cause  the commotion

We have to stop the

3^rd grade to prison pipeline

We have to stand up and say

It is way beyond time.

We have to stand up

And walk as allies

Or otherwise we allow

Others to perpetuate these white lies

I know I worry about my sons its true

And I do worry about the men in blue

To have such fear with the need to kill

Creates a heart with hate all filled.

So lets find love in our heart

Lets all do our part

Together if we walk

Together if we talk

The world will change

That may be unsettling

That may feel strange

The Buddha says we must awake

And it is true, There is much at stake

So now I ask you to stand with me

So together we can make the world see

That love has a power

Love can make hatred cower

That love dispels fear

And brings restorative justice near

Now I ask you to stand with me

To rise in body or spirit to sing

Our closing hymn

Building a new way number 1017

Called

As I sit on the bluff
Overlooking the oceans waves
Crashing into the beach
I find myself called 
I hear the oceans roar
Calling me to jump in
And ride the wave
Even if I end up
Tumbling at the end
And taking in salt water
It calls to me and I answer
At least for today
Even at its heavy cost
That will require
Recuperation and rest
Until I venture out again
But is enough
For today
For it makes me feel alive
And as I meander
Around the bluffs
Regaining my strength
Amidst the grandeur
I see a beautiful flower
Surrounded by metal wires
As if in a cage
And I wonder
If it feels trapped
By its circumstances
And environment
But then I realize
The cage is protecting
The flower and I wonder
Would the flower
Rather be free
And live a shorter life
Or would it rather
Be protected
From the ravages of
The harsh world
And it's creatures
To just sit and
enjoy the grandeur
Day in and day out
I would like to sit
And ponder some more
But I am called
To other places
And by other circumstances
And environments
And I wonder
If those have protected me
Day in and day out
So that I might one day
Share beauty with
Someone passing by
And pondering
Life's mysteries
Rev. Jay - 02/04/15 Asilomar

Poem - True Understanding

True Understanding

I feel the wind whistling by

I watch grass shake as the wind blows it.

I hear the waves crashing on the shore

Cold breath invades my nostrils

The sun blinds my computer screen

The computer blocks my view of the beach

I put away my computer

and write with pencil and pad

my thumb hurts from writing

due to a injury long ago forgotten

so I put down my pencil

and pick up my head

and admire and enjoy

all the sights

and sounds

and smells

around me

I still notice

Life in all its abundance

I still live

I move my sunglasses on and off

To see with different perspectives

I see the sand on the bluff

with the vast blue ocean behind it.

As if climbing reaching upward

Trying to get to the water

And pool clearers cleaning

And leave blowers blowing

And I, writing exploring, wondering

Like the sand trying to reach the ocean

Not ever realizing it is on a bluff

But still I reach

Still I wonder

Knowing true understanding

Is beyond my reach

But I am closer

than if I didn’t try

And I have learned some things

And I have experienced some things

As I dream

And reach for

The ocean of understanding

Just over the bluff.

Trust Yourself

Trust yourself
The alcohol does not let me forget anymore
My dreams have become reality
My reality makes me face myself
And I have forgotten who I am
This can be good
If one did not like oneself
How far back
Do we have to go
To see who we truly are
How far forward
Do we have to go
To be who we want to be
We are who we are
We are what we do
We are who we choose to be
And now as the days dwindle
And the horizon is closer
I hear the ticking down of the clock
Running out of time
Time to change
Time to be me
Or time to die
Or I’ll have another drink
And hope to forget
What could have been
Or still could be
If I only trusted myself

Endings

As much as we know it is coming
As much as we try to prepare
There is nothing
That can prepare us
For the emptiness
When it happens
Mountains climbed
Rivers crossed
Uncharted territory
Explored
And now
Only a memory
Of how we got to here
But every moment is a memory
And every moment is new
Every end is a beginning
As we try
To fill up the void of emptiness
Until we empty it again
Moment by Moment
Each day diminishes
At a quicker pace
As we are nearer to the end
Than the beginning
And that makes
Each new day
More valuable

Definitions

How can I let others
Dictate what is mine
How can I let others
Drive me far from home
Why do I doubt
What I know to be true
How can one day
Change what is within.
If there is an eternal
And if I want to search
No one else can stop me
They can only look down from their perch
Look down and beat me down
Throw hurdles in my path
Throw hurdles to salvation
With piety as their wrath
Why could they not see
What I know is inside of me
What others see and assure me
Is the righteousness of my path…
They made me doubt myself
They made me question my way
They are like the drain in my sink
That sucks the life of water away
The water goes down and goes out
Goes about its way
Not staying where it cleansed
But into another place
A river, a lake, a sewer
To add to some other life
Maybe it makes it way back
And then again maybe not
But it flows just as life flows
Sometimes resting
Sometimes turbulent
I’d rather be the water,
Then the rock standing
In idle judgement
The rock that is pounded
As water rushes by
The rock that is hardened
By life and is set
The rock that never changes
Yet they are both
Part of the river
They are both
An integral part of life
The river has a path
Defined by its boundaries
Of land and rocks
On either side
So is the water truly alone
Is it truly free
To flow where it wants…
Once it reaches the ocean
Of all oneess, it interacts
With all the other water
But even then
It is confined by continents
So we all have some boundaries…
Until we are flooded by all that we are
Just as times the waters flood the land
But they eventually recede
To allow all to live in harmony
For the land to view
With beauty and awe
The beauty of the water
And the sun rise
And the sun set
And yes, I would rather be the water
Providing such beauty and awe
Than be the land which looks on in awe
Which is defined by which
Land by water
Or water by land
Or do they coexist
Do they define each other
Can we define ourselves
Or are we defined by others…
When we define ourselves
Is that when we overcome
The others
But at what price
For if the water overcomes the land,
it will destroy the land
If the land overcomes the water
It will dissipate the water
How does one find harmony
With their surroundings
How does one find self
Amongst other competing interests
Trying to force their own definition
There is only one answer…
We are either all separate beings
Vying for power
Or we are all the same being
Trying to work together
When we do not realize this
An imbalance occurs
And one definition reigns
I cannot define myself
Without taking account
Everything else that is around me

I cannot define myself
Without realization
That all that is
Is interconnected to me
There is a purpose
To all that has led me here
There is a purpose
To all that I do
I will be respectful
Of all around me
But mostly
I must be respectful
To myself
To what I know is true
To who I am
To the whole of creation
To the beauty of life
To the wonders of the universe
And never forget
That I am a part of it
That I am
Not because I think
Just because I am
And I will rise
And I will fall
And I will love
And I will hate
And I will grow
And I will evolve
And I will evoke my will
To be who I am
For I am who I am
that was enough for God
It should be enough for me
And if it is not enough for others
Then at least
I will be who I was
I will be who I am
I will be who I want to be
Not who others want me to be