Book Review - Jack" by Marilynne Robinson

 I just finished reading Jack, the fourth in the series of Gilead Novels by Marilynne Robinson. Gilead is a story of two families of two ministers in a small town in Iowa. I have really enjoyed this series. The book “Lila” in particular was a phenomenal book. In each of the successive books after Gilead, Robinson focuses on a minor character in the first book Gilead. She delves deep into their interior thoughts, lives and motivations.  The Book Jack focuses on the wayward son Jack, who has lived a life full of mischief, poor decisions, alcoholism, regret and I would say a lack of direction. At times Jack may seem to have a rakish charm, but mostly he is just a self absorbed failure. For most of the book he seems to accept this about himself.  I would have liked to hear him reflect more about his family of origin. 

The book centers around his relationship with Della. It is of some interest to see the challenges added to their relationship due their interracial romance in the 1950s with miscegenation laws. I would have liked to hear more about Della’s family. Their cameo appearance in the end was a more interesting part of the book. The underlying issue the book deals with is grace and whether we feel we deserve it or are willing to accept it. Still the book is about Jack and all his interior thoughts for 322 pages. Whereas I found Lila’s life, mind and journey fascinating to follow, I found Jack’s thoughts about his incessant self pity, whining and self destructiveness got boring after the first 200 pages. Perhaps that says more about me then the book. I just found him an uninteresting character. Truthfully he seemed a more mysterious interesting character in Gilead that I had hoped to know more of. Perhaps that is the point, that some people are just uninteresting and even they deserve grace. 

Even after reading the book, there are two questions that still perplex me. Why did Della love him? Did she just want someone to save? (I guess I will have to wait for another book by Robinson about Della). Why didn’t they move to a state that did not have miscegenation laws? Still the book showed the challenges of how difficult it is to change one’s life and how the world can crush you. And then sometimes, in a moment, even if just a moment life can be beautiful and full of possibilities. Unfortunately that is the way this book felt. Some really beautiful moments, but mostly the look inside the pedantic mind of Jack Boughton.

Catastrophe or Middle Way

 I started watching the series Cobra Kai on Netflix this week. It takes up the story thirty years later of the characters from the Karate Kid movie.  It starts showing us the defeated bully’s life as full of suffering and bitterness. And it shows Daniel the youth who overcame the bully as a seemingly happy successful person. (I look forward to see how this develops).  To some this may have seemed like a satisfying life trajectory of the two protagonists of that movie. It would have been my hope in seeing Cobra Kai that Johnny the bully would have learned compassion after losing. He seemed to acknowledge it at the end of the first movie. But then we would not have had a plot line for the new show Cobra Kai. But it started me thinking how often we get stuck in our way of being and find it hard to transform ourselves. How the impact of trauma and early life experiences so often mold us.

When we are young we just accept as experiences as they are because that is all we know of our world. And often we live our whole life with that same mindset of those childhood experiences. I know growing up in the Bronx and New York City there were potential dangers at every corner. In truth for the early part of my life, I did not care why the dangers were there, I just wanted to be protected from them. Being of short stature and little physical ability I learned that humor, negotiation and allyship helped me survive. Even once I would have to say that providence intervened via the help of total strangers to save me.

As I got older, I kept looking around corners for dangers. Although some of that fear is bias conditioned from a young age, some of it is real. There is real danger in the world.  Some people live their whole life in this protection mindset. If I have enough money I can move far enough way. I can build a wall around my housing development. I can be protected by the police from danger.  This mindset of protection can infect every aspect of peoples lives and they see every interaction as a battle to protect what they have and they use lawyers and a sense of shared loyalty to protect themselves from any challenge. Many people live their whole lives this way. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Somewhere along the line I changed. At some point, I started asking why is there danger? Why is there poverty? Why are drugs illegal which caused so much of the violence in my neighborhood (did we learn nothing from prohibition?) Some of my change was due to my Jewish upbringing which stressed helping the most vulnerable as we often were throughout history. I was raised with a penchant for critically thinking and to question everything. Some of my change was due to my Unitarian Universalist tradition that opened my heart and mind to new ways of thinking. A  large part of my change was the adoption of my children who are Korean and seeing how they were treated differently as they grew older. I protected them where I could, but there are things I could not protect them from. Another large impact on my thinking was my interaction with people who were different from me.  I learned that their experiences with the government were not the same as mine and I learned how systemically people were kept oppressed. But mostly, I would have to say I experienced that love overcomes fear. So I combined all of this and I learned and I changed.

We often shy away from the word evil in this life. But it is clear people do evil things. Time and awareness has changed my world view as to what were the evil things being done in the world. For me it is to cause harm to others for no reason. Those who would accumulate wealth at the expense of their fellow citizens causes harm for no reason. Not providing adequate health care even though we can afford it causes harm for no reason. Not providing adequate housing and education for our citizens (while people are building mansions) causes harm for no reason. Not providing enough food for those in need even though we have more then enough causes harm for no reason. Locking up people in jail for drugs (while we have easy legal access to much stronger pharmaceuticals) causes harm for no reason. Remember evil spelled backwards is live. I know that is trite but it gives me hope that things can be turned around. We can choose to live. We can choose to make things in this world better. One thing that is certain is we will all die. So how we live matters.

And so the question that comes to me now is how to combat People Who Do Evil Things (PHODETS). I was raised being taught that non violent action to appeal to the conscience of Americans was the way to achieve change. We saw it used by Gandhi in India. He had some victories with it, but in truth I believe World War II had more to do with ending Britain’s occupation of India. We saw it used successfully in the South to end Jim Crow laws by Martin Luther King Jr. He and many others died for it anyway. King also had the benefit of having the Black Panthers and Malcom X as an violent alternative that led White Americans to side with MLK Jr. History shows us more often then not, dictatorships crush non violent resistance. There are exceptions of course. Ultimately it comes down to the armed services. Now we are not a dictatorship in America yet. But the PHODETS keep talking as if they would not object to America being a dictatorship. So I can not rule out a violent response completely in the future. It is true fear of violence will put people in protection mode. But fear of violence can also bring people to an alternative. A Middle Way.

A Middle Way is not a compromise but rather a better higher alternative. Imagine the top of a isosceles triangle. In the middle, but higher then either polarity. I believe most people do not want violence. It is not too late to avoid this catastrophe that is approaching. We can and MUST VOTE. We must do whatever we can to make sure this election is legal. We must stand up to every indignation and malfeasance that PHODETS put forward. Every single one. We must use what our unique skills are and use them to promote a better way of being and living to confront Americans with an alternative to the PHODETS.

We must adjust our values in this country. Our values should not be to have the biggest house and car and every contraption known to humankind. Our values as a country should be Justice, Equity and Compassion. We can grow and change. We do not have to suffer catastrophe to transform. We can choose to learn and be open to change and thus transform. At least that is my hope. Look around. Learn. Awake. We can reduce physical suffering by generosity of our spirit and our wealth as a country. We do not have to be bitter and suffer just because someone else is getting a little help. There is more then enough of creation for everyone.  We do not have to live always looking around corners for danger and figuring out ways to protect ourselves. We can choose to change. We can choose love. We can choose the Middle Way. The alternative is catastrophe.

Book Review. – Lila by Marilynne Robinson.

I am not often surprised by a book, but this book surprised me in a fascinating way and I loved it. Let me explain. Lila is a minor character from the book Gilead. Gilead was a nice book about a preacher from a small town in Iowa. Both this book, Lila and the book “Home” are books about other minor characters in Gilead. Home was about the wayward son of the preachers friend who was a retired minister and neighbor. Lila, is the story about the Preacher’s wife. I knew that going in. I was always curious about her in Gilead. We didn’t learn much about her other then she was much younger then the Preacher, and not as formally educated, and they had a child together. That left a voyeuristic curiosity to her backstory Let alone her character even in Gilead.  She was always quiet, in the background, seemingly stern worried about her husband’s health.

In Lila, we learn about her upbringing and how they came to be together. And it was totally unexpected. Perhaps that says more about me and my bias towards imagining characters…That is the big question of the book. Why do things happen the way they do. The book covers deep religious topics such as grace, redemption, sin and life after death from the perspective of Lila who knew little of formal religion before meeting the Preacher John Ames. Her asking him very raw basic questions about religion and faith and God seems to light a spark in him. It also speaks about his willingness to recognize and risk love at the same time assuming it would not last.   

We meet Lila as a young child as she is being kidnapped by someone, from what we are led to believe is a dangerous situation. I say we are led to believe because we really do not know and all Lila knows is what her rescuer/kidnapper Doll tells her. She lived most of her life living day to day with a group of people just trying to survive as itinerant workers . Part of why Doll joins this group is a need to stay under the radar for fear that people will be after her for taking Lila.

Through Lila’s memories, we experience her deepest interior thoughts and how she developed into the person she is. It tells about their life on the road, and what happens after the depression hits and their group of people disband. How that type of life led to a life of loneliness and fear. Yet it also spoke to the simplicity of life. One year Doll took her off there road to go to school and when asked what country she lived in she spoke of the beautiful fields and trees. Because what information do we really need to know to survive.  The story highlighted the fragileness and harshness of life dependent on seasons and good will of others. There was a freeness about it, but it was also a reminder of how that kind of freedom offers limited options and support when things go bad. Being someone who has moved away from “home” and from a people who have been forced over time to move,  I understand the yearning to be in a place where people have known your people for generations. It is something I will never have, but I like the feeling of it.

When your focus is on surviving day to day, you do live in the moment, do what you have to, but you have to always be on your guard and lack the ability to trust others. After the apparent death of Doll (I say apparent, because the sequence of events would lead us to believe that, but we don’t really know. Another message from the book is that we really do not know much. Anyway after Lila is alone it tells of her hard time in St. Louis. It is interesting that the book portrays St. Louis as a place where sin happens. She escapes her difficult situation. But there is also an interesting perspective of feeling security for the known, and finding happiness even in the smallest things when you are suffering even if they are an illusion. And that leads to complexity of her settling down and marrying John Ames. Imagining it is an illusion, being on guard always for something bad to happen, or fear of doing something bad that will upset others. How her experiences in the world made it hard to trust anything or anyone, even her own thoughts. Fear never leaves you when it is deep in your bones. The book offer the possibility that if we can live through the sufferings of our life, a new life can be created that offers a balm to our suffering, with the patient love of family and community.  

I’m listing some quotes from the book.  It is a way to keep some poignant thoughts in the forefront of my thoughts. :

“Lila “What do you ever tell people in a sermon except that thing that happen mean something? Some man dies somewhere a long time ago and that means something. People eat a bit of bread and that means something. Then why wont you say how you know that? Do you just talk that way because youre a preacher? This kind of thinking made a change in her loneliness, made it more tolerable for her. And she knew how dangerous that could be. She had told herself more than once not to call it loneliness, since it wasn tany different from one year to the next. It was just how her body felt, like hungry or tired, except it was always there, always the same”

“When folks are down to the one thing that keeps them alive, that one thing can be meanness. It makes you feel like youre there, youre doing something”

Lila        “I don’t trust nobody”

Ames    “No wonder you’re tired”

Lila        “What isn’t strange when you think about it.”

             

Lila        “Existence can be fierce”

             

Lila        “To put everything else away from her, because that ache was, first and last where she came from and what waited for her.”             

Lila        “Im still thinking. Maybe Ill tell you when Im done”

Ames    “But  you might never get done, you know, Thinking is endless”

Lila        “How strange it seemed to be at peace”

Lila        “You’d think a man as careful as this Job might have had a storm cellar’

About going to the movies

Lila        “The best part was always to sitting there in the dark, seeing what she had never seen anywhere before, and mostly believing it.”

Ames    “Joy and loss exists in its own right and must be recognized for what it is. Sorrow is very real and loss feels very final to us. Life on earth is difficult and grave, and marvelous. Our experience is fragmentary. Its parts don’t add up. They don’t even belong in the same calculation. Sometimes it is hard to believe they re all parts of one thing. Nothing makes sense until we understand that experience does not acculuate like money or memory, or like years.”

Lila        “Near as I can tell you were wanting to reconcile thing bys saying they cant be reconciled”

Lila        “After a while it may have been my loyalty I was loyal to”

Lila        “Ive been tramping around with the heathens. Theyre just as good an anybody, so far as I can see. They sure don’t deserve no hellfire”

Lila        “The best things that happen I’d never have thought to pray for. In a million years. The worst things just come like the weather. You do what you can”

Lila        That’s how it is. Lila had borne a child into a world where a wind could rise that would take him from her arms as if there were no strength in the at all. Pity us, yes, but we are brave, she thought and wild, more life in us than we can bear, the fire infolding itself in us. That peace could only be amazement too. 

Two Reviews – “Fleabag” – Amazon Prime Video and “The Irishman” – Netflix

Fleabag – a 9 out of 10 on the jaywo scale

I first heard of this show after seeing its star Phoebe Waller-Bridge on Saturday Night Live as host. I thought it was one of the best openings I had seen in years, and so I decided to watch this show. I have had Amazon Prime but had never once watched its videos, mostly using it for free shipping of books. First I have to say this show has very raunchy language and talks explicitly about sex. If that does not turn you off, (or perhaps that turns you on) this is a funny poignant quirky series. Phoebe’s character uses the camera as a fourth wall very effectively. The show centers around the lives of two sisters. It has had two seasons. Season two comes to a neat conclusion as it is not guaranteed to return for a third season. The show deals with how the sisters and their father deal with (or don’t) with the death of their mother (wife).  Also it deals with the death of the lead characters friend. As I think about it, the lead character is never addressed by name in the series. That in and of itself is quirky about the show. I’ll have to think more about that. Clearly it was intentional.  The show deals with how humans deal with grief, love, loss, family relationships and our search for happiness. It shows our human frailties, and our ability to recover and rebound. At times particularly in season two, I found myself laughing out loud and cringing almost at the same time. The show often focus on Phoebe’s character’s romantic relationships and particularly in season 2 her attraction to and pursuit of a priest.  . I highly recommend it. I binge watched all of season two on vacation. It is really worth seeing.

“The Irishman” –A  6 out of 10

I just watched this on vacation. This movie has had a  lot of brouhaha due to its limited theatrical release (I guess to be eligible for the Oscars)  and then almost direct to Netflix. It was directed by Scorsese and it has a great cast of actors. Al Pacino overacts (as usual) as Jimmy Hoffa, and that works for the role as Hoffa was a larger then life character in real life. Robert Deniro underacts (as usual) as hitman for the mob whose life this movie is based on. Joe Pesci as well plays a great understated role as a mob boss.  The story is told from Deniro’s perspective, telling his life story in retrospect from some sort of retirement home. First I will have to say the movie is long… Almost three and 1/2 hours long. It seemed like a greatest hits of gangster films. It told in a very methodical fashion the rise and fall of this particular gangster and his long standing relationship with Hoffa and the union.  I guess my biggest complaint is that it was too methodical and not dramatic enough. I never get a sense of why he was the way he was or did the things he did. Its just the way he was, shaped by the violence of being in combat in war. But many people  went to war and did not end up living this kind of life. It did not romanticize the life, pointing out the violent deaths of many of the characters. In fact, there are no good characters here.  I liked the cinematography and period pieces of the film. Scorsese always is great at that.  The last half hour of the movie made up for more of its tedious moments. As he looks back on his life, he is talking to a young nurse who did not even know who Jimmy Hoffa was. It brought about a realization for the character (and thus for me) about how fleeting life can be. Things we think are important in the moment are trivialized and forgotten in history. Our motives and decisions which we believe may be good, really lead to much harm. It also talks about who we align ourselves with in life. Who we choose to protect and who we choose to sacrifice. In the end he is alone and he has spent little time building relationships with those who would love him. Perhaps that is the message. It is not what we do, but how we love in the world that matters. (I'm not saying that is the message of the movie, but the message I choose to take from it)  The movie gives answers to who killed Hoffa and hints at who killed JFK (Both of these are long held belief by those who follow these stories over the years) if you choose to believe it. It was worth seeing just to see Pacino and Deniro together in a movie and in general I enjoy gangster movies. But I do not think it is Oscar worthy.  

Meanderings while walking on the beach while on vacation during Thanksgiving

As I walked the beach, I thought about the waves rolling in and out. As the tide goes out it leaves some dead shells, and some that cling to the tide to head back out to the gulf. It is now illegal to take a live shell. But for years our family would take live shells and boil them (there is some sea creature living within it). We would create shell lamps and shell mirrors, and anything shells. Looking back, I wonder if these creatures suffered. If shell creatures have shell creature families. So I can rationalize killing a creature for sustenance for myself, but to kill just to create beauty seems hard to justify. Now we just scavenge for dead shells.                                                                         

With the incoming and outgoing tide, some shell creatures live, some die, some get washed away. The more adept shell creatures I imagine hides itself better so as not to be picked (they dig themselves down in the sand). Such it is in life. We live our lives. Some are more adept then others. We live for awhile, we die, some people get swept away by the tides of life. Some dig deep and fight like hell for life. And although each shell and its existence is unique, the tide coming in and out, does so like clockwork, every day, it has a pattern that affects the shells (and I imagine all sea life). Over time the waves have a discernible pattern that we can determine and predict. I wonder and imagine that sea life can as well and that helps them exist in their world. 

But also that pattern of tides  and gravity tells me of the interdependence of all things that were created and came to be. Even if there is a scientific explanation for it all, it is amazing. And if there are amazing things that create patterns in and of the waves I must wonder if our lives and our universe have similar patterns.  Certainly in my life I have sensed repeating patterns. With more experience and wisdom over time I have learned to better manage those down cycles and take advantage of the upcycles.  What patterns does the universe show us? 

It is true that patterns get disrupted, whether that be by an asteroid crashing, or climate crisis affecting migratory patterns of birds, (and many other patterns) or lights on beaches affecting patterns of baby sea turtles. So too in our life we have patterns interrupted through unexpected tragedies. I do note that I only to point to interrupted patterns due to the negative, not the positive. But I imagine, a pattern can be interrupted by an act of courage, an act of kindness or the sight of beauty. 

If I noticed anything on the beach, even with the pattern of the waves and the tide, is that even while that is predictable, everything in every moment is changing. What shells come in, what

Shells go out. My interaction with the waves and shells although might not affect the tide, but it affects that wave and those shells I interact with. (and of course there are things we can do to affect the direction of water). The weather beyond our control affects the pattern too. 

I admit it is a little depressing thought that there is a tide in our life and the universe, a constantly repeating direction that can be altered, often impacted, but without major intervention cannot be changed.  On the other hand I could be wrong. Or perhaps we as some scientists speculate are part of a simulation created by aliens (which would explain patterns), but I do not put much stock in that (because if we become aware of the simulation they will turn it off) 

Or perhaps it is enough to be the creature that digs deep and fights for survival to make a difference in the sea of life, even when it cant change the whole tide. Perhaps if enough creatures dig deep enough they can change the course of the tide. Perhaps it gives ours lives purpose. You can not count on an asteroid to change the world, so perhaps we should try an act of courage, acts of kindness and/or create something beautiful.   You just have to dig deep and survive and work to change the tide.  This is what I thought when I took a walk on the beach this Thanksgiving morning. I am not sure I even make sense of it all, but it is what I experienced.  What did you think about this morning. 

Musings after Mueller

I have to admit that when the television news came on last night I had to turn it off. I just could not bring myself to hear the President crowing about the Mueller report exonerating him, even though it specifically said it did not exonerate him.

I saw most people online express despair, and resignation that the power structure protects their own.   Since we haven’t seen the report, I will not comment on that. Clearly there have been many prosecutions and indictments already, so I think the Mueller investigation has brought much corruption to light. So I say it was worth every penny. The Mueller investigation stated irrefutably that Russia influenced our election to help get Trump elected. So let us make sure as a country that does not happen again.  I admit based on just what is public I thought there was reason for obstruction charges. Certainly campaign finance charges. Even if Trump is not charged, I do believe we should highlight and keep the pressure up about all the corruption of this administration. I do think that is an important issue. And I believe that will continue. 

But that is not enough.  The people need to speak about our values and issues and elect people who support our values. The challenge is there are so many issues. For me, the top issues based on my values are as follows :

Universal Health Care (in whatever form that takes)

Climate Change

Fair Wages

Full Funding for education.

Stop locking up children in cages and separating families.

Ending the proliferation of Nuclear Weapons.

Supporting individuals and families that are most vulnerable in our country and especially those that have been historically oppressed.

Free and accessible elections.  

I hear people say progressives are a threat to the Constitution. Yes, where it is corrupt we are. Progressives  were a threat to it when Conservatives allowed slavery, Progressives were a threat to it when Conservatives would not allow Blacks to vote. Progressives were threat to it when Conservatives did not allow Women to vote.  Progressives were a threat to it when Conservatives did not want people to vote for Senators. Yes Progressives are a threat because we because we are demanding change and demanding that all people be entitled to their rights. That rights should not be centered only with White Land Owners (that is what the Constitution originally allowed for).   

Yesterday in writing about the NCAA tournament I quoted journalist Daman Runyon who wrote, “The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong; but that is the way to bet.”  And when I wrote that, I thought of our political predicament in our country. The truth is the people are stronger. There are more people in this country who share my values then share the current administration’s values. Those who are manipulating power today are counting on the people to be resigned, counting on people to be divided. I should hope they do not want people to be in despair, for despair leads to desperation. And desperate people will do desperate things. We do not need to be desperate. We need to be deliberate.  We need to be together. We need to organize,

To elect officials that support our values.

We need to show up at school board meetings and city council meetings.

We need to run for and support people who support our values.  

Don’t tell me you are too tired or too busy or your children have an event you have to get them to. This is the event they need to be at. Learning to be active citizens of this country. 

Let us not despair. Let us take a deep breath. Let us redouble our efforts. We need to use the rights that so many have fought and died for. Let us continue to work for the good. Together the people can make change. We took congress in 2018. We can make change. Now is not the time to step back. No one else can save us but each other.  Let us remember why we are doing this. Because we believe that each of us has inherent worth. Each of us should be given the opportunity and means to reach our potential. We believe in truth, and justice on this earth and for this earth.

If you do not agree me this is not the venue for this, and I will delete your comments. This is for all those who are struggling today.  This is to remind you that you are not alone. We are in this together. If we believe we can make change. If we are willing to sacrifice. Then and only then will change happen. When we make it happen. And we can. WE CAN.

True Detective Season 3 - Love can transcend suffering if we let it.

My reflection on True Detective Season 3

First a short recap of seasons 1 and 2 –

Season One was groundbreaking for its style and that it was a television series with famous movie stars. (Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson) I found it more quirky and new for TV, then good, but I enjoyed Matthew McConaughey’s character philosophical diatribes and the question of good and evil. (always a favorite topic of mine)

Season 2 starred Vince Vaughn and Collin Ferrell. Critics generally panned season 2. I liked it. It was less subtle and more over the top, but it was also more real and relevant in many ways and focused on the theme of fatherhood and its different meanings, and how it impacts men. It also has the theme of bad guy trying to change for good and being  drawn back into old life. This is also a favorite theme of mine as well.  

Actually looking at all three seasons here, it is more obvious that the writers are clearly focused on men and the role of masculinity in society. Maybe because I am a man, and father of two men, I found this more interesting. However there is very little focus on women or major roles for women.

Also, whereas Season 2 focused on big city corruption and challenges, as in Season 1, season 3 brings us a fairly negative view of rural living. (Isolation, alcoholism, limited opportunities, corruption, back room deals, etc.) I have no idea of its accuracy, since I have never lived in a rural community, but it mostly focused on the negative, and not much positive.

Season 3 starred Mahershala Ali and Stephen Dorf as Detectives investigating the disappearance of two children. It uses flash forwards and covers 3 time periods of time in the life of the detectives and the case. I admit at times it was hard to determine between the first two time periods and the only way I could was by the growth of Stephen Dorf’s beard and his balding hair.  

The show also includes the challenges of the detective and his family when he starts developing dementia in his old age and is trying to remember the case and just forgets how or why he is somewhere.  I appreciated this often neglected topic being an ongoing part of the show.    

Overall I liked the season. The fact that it moved me to write something about it, is a testament to it..  Everything wrapped up very quickly in the second half of the last episode, with a few twists and turns, and a feel good ending. It was logical and made sense, but it felt unsatisfying. Sort of here are the answers to all your questions now. One quip is that again, although the show did have a strong female character, (her research writing a book about the case actually helped her husband solve the case). However she was used mostly as a counterpoint to Mahershala Ali’s character and I didn’t feel she was focused on enough.  Also her death is never explained and she is not part of the show in the later time period and becomes invisible and in fact is only seen as a ghost during that time period. Also Ali’s daughter only shows up in the last 5 minutes of the last episode and it is clear throughout the show they had a strained relationship. He asked her at the end “Did I lose you?” His son stayed in town and took care of Ali. Again, women disappear, men stay and take care of things. It is a terrible message but it is part of a cultural narrative about how men are made to feel they should be.   

The show also did have a focus on the difficulties men have in relationships. How men keep their feelings internalized, and how that leads to a very lonely life. Even Mahershala Ali’s character, who we see developing a better understanding of himself through his interaction with and the deepening relationship with his wife, in the end, at the end of his life, is alone in the jungle in Vietnam. This metaphor of his being alone is used throughout the movie. His struggle to share his feelings or information, in his mind as a way to protect his wife, but really it is protecting himself from his own pain, or in his mind maybe protecting her from his pain. But in the end they decide to let go of the past, and start anew, living in a way that is not tied to the past and true to themselves. We see a glimpse that this happened, but in the end after his wife’s death, he I drawn back to his memory of this unresolved case. The theme of closing off the memory of our emotions and the pain it causes is an ongoing theme. The father of the children, says in the second time frame “Whatever it takes to stop feeling. I mean, there's no point. Ain't nobody left to feel anything for.” And Stephen Dorf’s character seems to show only immense feelings for his dogs.

 We all suffer in our lives, and the message here is that if we don’t acknowledge our suffering it will become self destructive or destructive.

 The show also touches on the redemption theme or in this case lack of redemption.  The detectives in their pursuit of the truth did a terrible deed. This negatively affected their relationship for years, until the passing of time, and memory, brought them back together. Ali’s character, in the end just as he is about to solve the case, has a bout with his dementia and never realizes he may have solved it.  

The people involved in the disappearance of (and murder of one of) the children as well suffered. One of them tried to redeem himself for his actions, but was unsuccessful. He searched to find the truth and was left unfulfilled.  At the end when confronted he said, “I cant take it anymore. Kill me or arrest me. I cant live with it anymore” The detectives let him live with his pain.  The silence of keeping secrets destroys us.

The lines of the poem read (see poem below) at the beginning of the last show were haunting for me:

“What am i now that I was then
Which I shall suffer and act again
Time is the school in which we learn 
Time is the fire in which we burn:”

The story shows that people can transcend their trauma if they are intentional. It also asks the question and makes the point that we often fall into the same traps that we make for ourselves. And in some cases by the time we learn and grow, it is too late to always appreciate the learning. It was (and as I look back on the series) it is a little depressing, only because I see some truth in it. it is a reminder to me to be intentional and to be open about my feelings and to appreciate or at least be present to every single moment of every single day, because we don’t know when it will end. We don’t every really forget until we do. So let us use our memories and learn from them. And move forward in our lives. We sometimes make terrible choices. We cant change them and their outcomes,  but we can learn to make better choices going forward.  We never really know the outcome of our actions before we do them, and as Ali’s character says “You do your best and you learn to live with the ambiguity”

So I know this all sounds dark, But the lasting message is that we can transcend our challenges and that it is Love that helps us transcend that challenge. I cant say much more without giving spoilers.

The opening of the season 3 finale of True Detective were an excerpt from the poem 

“Calmly We Walk Through This April Day” by Delmore Schwartz.

“What will become of you and me
Beside the photo and the memory
This is the school in which we learn
That time is the fire in which we burn 
What is the self amid this blaze
What am i now that I was then
Which I shall suffer and act again
The children shouting are bright as they run
This is the school in which they learn
What am I now that I was then
May memory restore again and again
The smallest color of the smallest day
Time is the school in which we learn 
Time is the fire in which we burn”

End the dictatorship.

This is some semblance of what I said at the "National Emergency Protest" Rally

I am Rev. Jay Wolin, Minister of the Unitarian Universalist Congregation, and chair of the Quad Cities Interfaith Restorative Justice Task Force. 

We have gathered here tonight in response to the President’s declaring a national emergency. Something we know is not an emergency,

something the president has himself said is not an emergency.

It is a self indulgent craven political move to act as a dictator rather then as a President.

There comes a time in history,

when we have to call out evil acts for what they are. There are  not good people on both sides of this argument.

On the one side you have The President unabashed lying and appealing to fear and racism currently being enabled by Republicans in the Senate.

I call that evil, I call it evil, because the outcome of that appeal, leads to suffering, to separating families and imprisoning children.

On the other side are people of good conscience. People who appeal to  compassion and love and justice. 

The question is what are the good people going to do?

We come together tonight find support amongst ourselves, to raise awareness of this injustice.  

But if that is all we do, then we are no better then the Germans who allowed their neighbors to be led to the gas chambers.

We are no better then the Americans  who allowed Japanese American neighbors to have their land stolen and put in camps during WWII,

and the truth is, we are no better because today we allow children to be locked in cages on our southern border.

It is not enough to be kind.

It is not enough to come to a rally.

We have to take action.

We have to organize,

we have to run for office,

we have to vote, Go to city council meetings,

go to school board meetings

make our voices heard, and if they don’t listen

we have to close the city down if necessary,

close this country down if necessary

until this evil is banished from this land. 

There comes a time when good people must make a stand and some times it takes a sacrifice on all our parts.

Now is such a time.  Now is the tipping point.

There is an old saying the most committed wins.

If we do nothing, evil will win. What will you do. There are many good organizations sponsoring this event tonight, Quad Cities Interfaith is having their task force meetings tomorrow night and I personally invite you to attend, but more so,

I ask you when you go home tonight to ask you conscience, to ask whatever God you pray to,

what are you going to do to end the evil acts of the Oligarchic Dictatorship that is currently running this country.

The future of our country is at stake.

The future for our children is at stake.

Now is the time.

If we wait much longer it will be too late.

Now is the time.  

Let me hear you say it.

Now is the time

Let us not falter in our duty to ourselves, 

To our families

To our community

To our country

Thoughts on Rudolph

This was a short response to the Children and Youth Program at the Congregation about how the Rudolph song and story did not connect with our Principles:

As we re-teach the lessons we learned in a new way to our children, we too learn, we come to notice the how the stories  we hear subtly influence our lives. 

I’ll be honest, I never thought much about the Rudolph story.  I saw it as a quaint coming of age story where others realized the potential of another.

But if we are going to create a new world based on our values, where all are valued, not just for what they offer us, but for who they are we have to change our stories. People are not disposable, just because they do not benefit us. All have inherent worth and dignity.

And I ask you to think about the Rudolph story in another way

Perhaps we should rethink our punitive form of punishment for offensives, the whole naughty or nice question. (PPT) In this cartoon you can see Santa adrift on a melting iceberg saying  

“Perhaps I should have been giving all the naughty kids solar panels instead of coal”  Although we all need to be accountable for our actions, if we do not promote healing and reconciliation amongst each other, retribution leads to long term negative consequences for all. 

And lastly, when you think of the reindeer, (PPT) what gender do you imagine in your mind they are. They are often portrayed as male. Yet if you think about their names,

Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen.  For the most part, really non gendered names. I was really surprised by how much debate there is about this online. But the scientific proof is that male reindeer tend to lose their antlers by the end of October, so if Santa’s reindeer are shown with antlers they are probably female.  So I invite you to shift your perspective about who is pulling Santa’s sled.

I ask you to shift your perspective on what is real and what we have been conditioned to believe.

I ask you to shift your perspective not just on this holiday but all year long away from consumption and towards caring and compassion for others and this planet. 

A Sad Day for America. DON'T GIVE UP - Rev. Jay Wolin - Thoughts on the Kavanaugh Hearing

There are days that I hope for a God of Judgement. Until that time arrives, if it arrives, it is up to us human beings to see the work of justice be done on this earth. I sat riveted listening to Dr. Ford’s and Judge Kavanaugh’s testimony.  First, I have to say, as a man, I am tentative to speak about this.  I feel this is a time to lift up womens’ voices. As a minister though, I feel it is my religious responsibility to use what ever moral authority I have to shed light on the issue and to raise the consciousness of whoever will listen. Throughout my life, first just as a compassionate listener and now as a minister, I have heard women’s stories about harassment and abuse. Earlier this week at a local rally we heard story after story of women harassed and abused by men. And yes, I know men are abused as well, and I do not diminish that, but it is at a much smaller %. And yes, research has shown that a small % of claims brought forth are found to be false. Over 95% of abuse claims are real and true (and a large majority never reported), and personal experience confirms that high %. I therefore believe people and especially women when an accusation is made. And let me assure you that the trauma of such harassment and abuse is devastating and long lasting.  We need to change the moral bankruptcy of men in this world.  This is not a court of law. This is not just for a nomination on the supreme court. This is a court of moral opinion of how we are going to interact with each other as humans.

Changing the culture will require a shift. Men (and women) are enculturated into this machismo misogyny. Every movie with Bogart or John Wayne just grabbing the women and kissing her, makes it seem reasonable to just grab women and kiss them. How many romantic comedies have men stalking women (I think of the movie where he is outside her house with a boombox blasting “their” song) until the women gives in and admits their love.  Men do not see this as harassment. They see it just the way things are. When women try to reject these overtures men often become angry and violent. Time and again when women come forward to authorities they are excoriated and forced  to endure humiliation for coming forward.  

Dr. Ford’s testimony was credible. And I cringe even writing that.  I am someone who has had to give court depositions, and is interviewed often on television. It is nerve wracking and pressure-filled and you have to be precise and it is difficult to do under normal circumstances. I cannot imagine how it must be talking  publicly about a personal trauma. So she was more then credible and believable. She was courageous. She didn’t have to do this. The Republican Senators used an inquisitor who spoke for them when Dr. Ford was on the stand. The Republicans admitted themselves they could not control themselves from saying stupid things. That in and of itself shows their moral bankruptcy.  The inquisitor focused her time asking questions that were clearly trying to trip up the witness and show that this was a bigger conspiracy rather then uncover the truth. Dr. Ford did not fall for the bait, from either Republican or Democratic lawmakers (as they tried to get her to expand her story). She told her truth and should be believed.

Judge Kavanaugh’s uncontrolled (or crafted) emotional outbursts, his refusal to answer some questions, his obfuscation of other questions, and his partisan attacks shows me a number of things. One he is denying the mistakes of his youth, but worse, he has not learned from them. He thinks he can just bully people and thinks that is acceptable attitude. Second, his temperament and partisanship should be a disqualifier. The fact that he has lied several times and his papers are being hidden, tells me he is not a trustworthy person. He has no empathy for others, as shown by his unwillingness to even shake the hand of the parent of a child killedd by gun violence at the hearings. He doesn’t see that the things he does are harassment. He yelled at and attacked the woman Senator who asked him a difficult question about whether he ever blacked out. He thinks it is ok to yell at senators who are questioning you for a job. Yell, attack and then cry when you are challenged.  That is the misogynist way. He particularly twitched and was evasive when Sen. Kamala Harris questioned him (A woman of color).  When people are in power, or have power over others, it is rare that they give it up willingly. And they fight every time when that power is challenged. The anger we saw from Kavanaugh yesterday and the anger we saw from Republican lawmakers (who finally found their voice to speak to Kavanaugh – I guess it is ok to say stupid stuff amongst men) was this rejection that someone would reject their power over them. In the 19^th century we had to have a civil war about this. Instead of looking for truth, instead of showing compassion, they condemned, and by so doing they have fallen short.   

The committee will approve Kavanaugh.  Jeff Flake is the one who has fallen the farthest from God. The other Republicans are unabashed misogynists. Jeff Flake tries to pretend that he is compassionate and reasonable, but in the end Flake votes for Kavanaugh’s approval. He votes for cutting taxes, he votes to cut social programs that will help those who are suffering. He has fallen the furthest because of his duplicity and thus he will end up in the lower levels of hell (if there is a hell or else he will be in long term remediation class in heaven or reincarnated as a mosquito.)  We have a President who has been on tape bragging about sexually abusing women. He and the people he appoints are hostile to women’s health issues. They are not arbiters of good morality.

The question is what are we going to do about it. If the law will not protect women, how can women protect themselves. How can we support them. It is the question people of color and poor people have to answer every day as well. Yes, I was riveted by the testimonies yesterday. It was like watching a car wreck. It was horrible and I couldn’t take my eyes off it. But unlike car accidents this was not an accident, it is an avoidable and changeable tragedy. For me It is important to witness the tragedy, and it is important to speak about the tragedy, so that we can find a new way. Create a new way.

Women, all harassment and abuse survivors, I hear you. I know you are in pain. And I commit to lift up your voices, I commit to work to end the patriarchy that destroys so many lives, and limits so many souls from flourishing, and ends love. I have to work hard not to let love die in my soul, when these events happens. I am human. I have my own failings. I get discouraged, I have had my own tragedies. I take time to look within myself and see what can I do or not do to help make things better.  Ending the patriarchy is not being anti-man. It is to end men’s control over women. That can be freeing for men as well, but certainly and mostly it is about justice for women. 

As a religious leader, it is my role to speak the truth and to espouse a vision of a better way to be in community even if those in power do not agree. I also know it my role to lift up hope and the possibility of a world based on compassion and love. One of the greatest gifts Unitarian Universalism has given me is that it opened my mind, and then my heart to hearing other people’s stories and perspectives by being in relationship with them in a covenanted community.  It is hard to let go of old ways of thinking. But since I had covenanted to be in right relationship with people I learned to listen and to change and grow. I believe it can happen for others and the world. It is why I became a minister. To share that message that love, compassion, hope and change is possible. It may not be today, it may not be in my lifetime, but I will do my share in my time to bring that about, in every small and large way I can in the here and now,  and I ask you to do so as well. Do not give up. DO NOT GIVE UP. Do not sit back. The old ways are dieing, but they are not going quietly or peaceably as we saw on display at the Kavanaugh hearings. And the patriarchy seems intent on taking everyone down with them before they change. All good people need to join together and listen and believe and act together. I hear you, I believe you. How can I help you change the world.

Shabbat Service Reflection at 2018 General Assembly

The Torah portion for today is such a challenging reading as well as a telling one for us as individuals as well as congregations and as an association. The book of numbers tells the story of the Jewish people  wandering in the wilderness after achieving their freedom from slavery in Egypt. They were searching for their homeland continuing the story from the book of exodus. Throughout the journey in the wilderness there is a constant what the Bible calls murmuring, we might say complaining. There was an insurrection that was violently put down, and at one point even Aaron and Miriam challenged Moses for leadership. Even after Moses learned to delegate authority, people struggled with any form of hardship, even proposing going back to Egypt. It is natural to fear the unknown, Some people prefer the harshness but certain existence of how things were, but we if we are to be who we were meant to be we have risk a little uncertainty.

Different then the book of exodus when God was very forgiving to the people when they murmured, In Numbers God was willing to wipe out the people due to their complaining . The only thing that saved the people from God’s wrath was Moses holding fast to the hope for the people.  But even Moses (just like ministers occasionally) gets frustrated, with the people complaining and strikes the rock instead of talking to it to provide the water to save the people.  For this Moses is banned from ever entering Israel. Lets give Moses a break ok, He was working 70 hours a week, preaching and teaching and probably even creating a newsletter on tablets for the people. Now we can look at this story as how a large group of nomadic people learned to govern themselves, that is probably some truth to that.

But I see a beautiful story of overcoming insurmountable obstacles it is the story of sticking with it, it is the story of despite doubt and hardship continuing to move forward.  

I have to admit, growing up Jewish in the Bronx in NYC, I did not have a lot of experience with the physical wilderness. I hate to perpetuate stereotypes but My idea of wilderness was going to the Bronx Zoo.  Now my wife Jan on the other hand grew up camping her entire life. So after we dated a while she suggested we try camping for a weekend.  And being the willing suitor that I was I agreed.    After we had procured all the proper equipment for tent and fire building and the mandatory marshmallows, we headed out on the highway to unknown territory.

Then it started to rain….and then it started to rain harder. I’m talking Noah and the flood kind of rain.

I saw this as a sign of impending doom,

but I hung in there.  We finally make it to the campground and check in and as I get back into the car to drive to the campsite, mind you it still pouring down rain, our car is stuck in the mud.

But I remained calm, and I still hung in there.

I said to myself, I’ve seen something like this on tv. 

I can handle this.  That will impress her.   So I start rocking the car back and forth and then I tell jan to hit the gas and you guessed it, as the car lurches out of the mud all the mud just flies all over me head to toe.  At that point, I swallowed whatever little pride I had left and said we are going to a hotel tonight. But I washed myself off, hung in there and came back the next day and put up the tent in the rain and Jan created a fire in the rain which really impressed me.  I spent the rest of the weekend communing with nature and had a wonderful time. Maybe not the land of milk and honey, but it was nice

Sometimes doing new things, learning new things, can be difficult or messy.

It takes us a while to figure out how things work.  We often though when doing new things find a reservoir of skill and determination that we never previously knew we had.  Now for many years thereafter and later on with our children, we went camping often, and things got easier over time,

but it never would have happened it I first hadn’t agreed to go along on the trip into the great unknown and if I hadn’t stuck in there, despite the setbacks, despite the rain, despite the mud.

Sometimes we just have to stick with it and believe that it will get easier and live into that future.

So the wilderness can be seen as a place we need to travel through on the way to our destination, as a test, as a place to receive revelation, as a place to find enlightenment,

            The wilderness does not have to be a physical place but can also be a state of mind. 

Some people do not want to leave the comfort of the status quo, but to find transformation we have to journey into the unknown Its hard, muddy work.  We have to risk getting dirty and being uncomfortable. But this story of Moses and Hebrew people tells us, if we are ever to reach our destination, we need to stick together, even when we sometimes don’t agree with the direction. It may take us longer,  but if we are ever going to fulfill our destiny as a religion we have to stick together, and have faith in each other.

At  the end of this story, Moses, Aaron, and Miriam all die before the community reaches their destination. This message tells me that eventually old ideas and ways have to die if we are going to make room for new ideas, and new ways and new people. That is the hardest thing I think, to leave behind the skills that got us to where we are.

So I encourage you to be open to change, because another truth is the things we need to get us out of slavery, the things we need in the wilderness through the hard times, are not always the same skills we need to create something new.

May our journey bring us wisdom, may it bring us peace, may it bring us healing. I would rather die free in the wilderness with you than be a slave in and to the past. Let us go and find those who are fleeing, let us all gather and let us walk together into an uncertain future, a future where we can build the world we dream about. Let us all find our way home.

Theology is Boring - (or is it?) thoughts on study leave as I try to distract myself from reading.

I know, I know, I am a minister. Theology is the foundation of my vocation. I am not that type of minister I say. People look strangely at me and wonder, as if their world had tilted off its axis. It is not that I don’t like theology, but most who write about it feel the need to prove how educated they are with multisyllabic words  (see what I did there 😊). I read book after book. In reality it is more like slogging through it. Certainly some of it is my ongoing contemplation and argument with every line that I read. That can be exhausting. Why? How did you come to that conclusion? What does that mean? I debate myself in my own mind before I go  on to the next sentence. It makes reading a book a journey.  

In truth everything is theology. Every walk, every movie, every conversation, every event I attend is a view of the world from a theological perspective. What is the purpose of this or that. What meaning can be derived from the experience. What mystery of the universe can be unlocked from every observation. What is the metaphor of every interaction. It is exhausting and beautiful and just how my radio waves are tuned in. 

But reading one more book of the erudition of Spinoza’s ethics, (which is really just a way for him to hide his atheism) and Augustine’s Confessions (really next time keep it to yourself – its done so much damage just because you had to justify leaving the woman you loved and your son at your mother’s insistence to marry for position and power and that led to ongoing misogyny within the church) or even new challenging perspectives on the Scriptures (How long has it been and we still have not figured out “thou shall not kill” – its pretty simple) will make me catatonic. 

No I want to read a simple poem, see a beautiful flower, pet my cat (I really need to get a dog), roll on the floor with my grandchild, watch the sunset and hopefully rise the next day. This is my theology – Life and living it. (and of course writing and talking about it). Thanks for reading and listening to me. 

My Speech at Families Belong Together Rally June 30th

My friends I think sometimes our country has lost its moral way.

Then I see you, and I hear these stories.

Let us remember that we determine our fate,

the actions we take or the lack of action is a choice.

I ask you to choose action to side with our immigrant and refugee siblings.

I invite you to side with children and families,

I invite you to side with love.

It seems incredulous, that I have to say we need to take action to side with children and families.

I am thankful that the very first article in this country’s bill or rights states “

Congress shall pass no law abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. 

Well I have a few grievances with the government. 

Friends it is time to fight for our moral and ethical values. These are my demands

One, We need to end the inhumane practice of this government’s policies of Family separation and Reunite families now.  Plain and simple. This is inhumane, immoral, and the fact that we even have to teach this baseline morality to government officials shows our country has fallen into the moral and ethical abyss. Can we never learn from our past. We separated children from our indigenous siblings, we separated children from our African American siblings when we enslaved them, and now we are separating children from refugee families.

Let us support children, not abandon them,

Let us love children, not traumatize them,

Let us side with children, Let us side with love.

Second, We need to end this inhumane practice of family detention.

The fifth article of the bill of rights says no person, not no citizen, no person shall be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; Children and families deserve due process, not indefinite imprisonment.

Children do not belong in cages and internment-like camps.  

Family incarceration is not the solution to family separation.

It seems the practice of continuing to imprison and destroy families of color from slavery, to jim crow to Japanese American internment camps, to mass incarceration, to now refugee imprisonment continues today.

Give them due process, I ask you to side with love

Third, End ‘Zero Humanity policy of this governement.’ Reverse the policy that created this crisis and chaos to begin with. Parents should not be criminally prosecuted for doing what all parents have done throughout history, which is bring their children to safety.

Let us remain that safe haven for families facing persecution, and let us do what we can to end that persecution, not add to it.  

I ask you to side with love. 

Last for today we demand Comprehensive Immigration Reform

We must have a pathway to citizenship for the 11 million refugees who are already here, our neighbors, part of the fabric of our community, whose children our children go to school and play with, people working hard to build a better life for their families.

That is the dream of America

I invite you to side with love and build that world that we dream about.

So what can we do. We must choose to act!! 

Your showing up here is a start, it tells the leaders of this community and throughout the country where our values are. But it can not end there.

We can and we should continue to communicate with our elected officials asking them to denounce this government’s immoral policies on refugees and to create policies that will create a welcoming community for all.

But that is not nearly enough.

We must vote in November and encourage everyone we know to vote for candidates who support our values. No election has been more crucial to the future of our country. I encourage you to vote with love in your hearts thinking of these children

But it can not end there.

I invite you to Work with local organizations in the community that are doing the work of racial and immigration justice, Palomares, LULAC Moline,LULAC Davenport,  

NAACP Davenport and Rock Island, Quad Cities Interfaith, One Human Family. Progressive Action for the Common Good and Boots on the Ground just to name a few.

Get involved. Locally we can impact our community.

But it can not end there.

If our government officials don’t listen, or continue to obstruct and suppress voting, we may have to take stronger actions. The time is coming again for acts of civil disobedience if our government does not respond to we the people. My congregation has offered to be a sanctuary for refugees. I invite you to talk to your place of worship to do the same or to join the sanctuary coalition helping other religious organization who have and I personally commit to helping you with that. We may have to shut down streets, business, even the government, if they do not listen to the grievances of the people.

Do not be afraid. The work for love is never easy and it requires sacrifice, but it is necessary.

We are fighting for the soul of this nation,

we are fighting for children and families,

and we need to go the distance.

Lastly the most important work we have is to maintain hope in the face of adversity.

We have to maintain hope and have the faith that what we do matters.

Even in the uncertainty, especially in the uncertainty of not knowing how or when change will happen,  we must have the faith that we can build a better world where all are safe. ,

Let us find our way together out of the abyss.

Thank you my friends. May you be blessed and may you be a blessing to others.