My Journey on Silent Retreat

 On my day of silent retreat I thought I would take a stroll around the monastery grounds. When I started out it was raining fairly heavy, so I decided to read. After reading for two hours I decided to go again. As I walked out of my hermitage I came upon this statue.

I continued to walk along the path in front of me which I knew led to a lake area. It was a winding path down a hill. There was a nice breeze blowing, and there were wildflowers all around

I finally reached the lake which had a cement walkway around it. I walked slowly around the lake and came upon a dock.

I wondered if I should sit and ponder the water, but I thought best to continue the journey. I thought I could always come back to it on the way back. Let that be the first lesson. Take your opportunities when they present themselves. They may not be there when you decide you are ready and you may choose something else later. Sometimes you have to stop the journey to enjoy the moment in the moment

So I continued on. I walked until the cement path ended about half way around the lake. I thought I might make it all the way around. But alas that was not to be. I imagined this as my journeys end, I decided to wait a minute and sit before I headed back to my room. The journey had seemed a bit like a labyrinth, although it did not have any set pattern that I knew in advance. After a few moments of watching the lake water ripple, and listening to the birds chirping, I raised myself and headed back.

Sometimes our lack of imagination is what limits us. I imagined this was the end. Yet it was only the beginning. I just didn’t know it then. In the regular day to day life it might have and often is. Looking back, this was a lesson that we should imagine more. Imagine things beyond the proscribed path.

 The best part of taking time for myself, is that it is unscripted, and I leave myself open to mystery and adventure if I am willing to embrace it. And as I winded my way back along the lakes edge I reached the dock once again. I thought, should I go sit down and ponder the lake from this angle before I made my way back to my room. At least here I thought I am communing with nature. And then I looked left. I do not know what compelled me to look left. Perhaps randomness, or just taking in the sights, but I saw a mowed piece of grass between the wildflowers

 

 

 Now in the picture you can see t here is a sign “trail”. But when I first saw the path from farther back I did not see the sign. I thought it was odd that there was this mowed area. Perhaps it led to a storage shed or to another property. It was not clear from where I was that it was a trail. Still I moved forward. I had seen what was to be seen on the proscribed path laid out before me, and although peaceful, it clearly did not satisfy me, and so I thought what is the worst that will happen. I will go a distance, and I will have to walk back. So I went off the proscribed path and lo and behold I saw the sign path. I didn’t look that way coming since I was focused on the lake. And on the way back, the sign was obscured by bushes from the direction I was walking. In our lives there are signs. However sometimes we are too focused on other things that we miss them. Let that be a lesson to  us that we should take a broad view of everything around us that is within our field of vision, (literal but also metaphorical) Let us intentionally look for the signs that are placed right before us beckoning us. And so I journeyed into the unknown. And as I was wondering whether to walk down this path, a large breeze came through and it seemed to me that the trees were waving at me inviting to enter the woods.

 

And so I ventured downward into the path through the woods. It was darker in the woods. I actually found this peaceful. I walked gently and slowly noticing the flowers and tree limbs. Some broken off by the storm. As I walked slowly I listened for the sounds of the woods and I heard a rustling and I looked and saw a deer leaping away. I thought no need to run, but I imagine, deer have learned to fear humans and for good reason. So I just watched it bound away and appreciated its beauty and ability as it went on it way seeking safety. I noticed butterflies flirting around. Its amazing how much is going on in the world if you pay attention. And then I came to an old rickety bridge. It didn’t look too stable, but it was stable enough, and not that far a fall even if it couldn’t hold me. There I am, always calculating the risks. At times necessary, but we need to take risks in life if we are to grow. Bridges have great symbolic meaning of course. Crossing over from one place to another. Not just physically but metaphorically. Once I cross over, I am in uncharted territory. A bridge is a signifier of crossing over to new territory. Not good or bad, but a marker. And also it is just something that prevents us from getting wet or falling into water. So bridges are protectors as well as borders.

And so I travelled on. Not knowing where it would lead. And with each step, although logically I knew I could retrace my steps back, each step plunged me deeper into unknown territory.

Each step seemed to take me deeper into the woods, into the unknown. How would I get back? Would I be too tired or weakened if I went on. Would I get lost. What happens if it starts raining while I am out here. But still I walked on. I think it is like that with our spiritual and religious lives. We are comfortable where we are, and we wonder why should risk comfort. Why take risks. But as I kept walking down hill, I just had faith and trust that the journey would work out. The Robert Frost poem “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening” came to my mind. Although it is not snowing. It is dark and deep and quiet. I am aware of how quiet it is lacking normal human noise. I feel committed to this journey so on I go.

 

 

I feel as if my faith has been rewarded as the path leads back uphill and I see an opening with the sun starting to break through the clouds. As I reach the top of the hill. There are three paths to choose from. There is a sign that says Monastery pointing back from where I came from. So this is another moment of choice. Just when we think we have reached where we are going, things are not always so clear, and we continue to have to make choices. I would like to imagine that all three of these paths circle around, but there is no way of telling. I played a little game in my head. Left means I have left for good. I wasn’t ready for that. Straight ahead would seem like I was just following directions, and my life has never been just a straight march in one direction. So I chose right…maybe for righteous?? Well and also my sense of direction indicated that should be the way back to the monastery – it was starting to drizzle and as much as I like a good adventure, I really did not want to get soaked. Another thought crossed my mind, that perhaps by being deep in the woods covered by woods I was protected from the rain. So going deep can protect us from the difficulties we face in life. So I went right. Uncovered now from the torrents of weather and life still searching to find my way.

This path led me down again into some darker twisting and muddier paths. It was at this point I had wished I packed my sneakers instead of a pair of loafers. Also a good lesson, we should learn from our experiences, and maybe better prepare when we are going on a journey, but when there is nothing to be done to change the situation, regret is useless. I will have to clean my shoes when I get back.   Nothing is ever simple or straightforward on a unknown journey. There are obstacles along the way, whether that is downed trees or people telling you, you shouldn’t or couldn’t do something, or worse telling ourselves that and short circuiting our journey. And sometimes our journey gets muddy. That is how life is. If we stop every time something goes wrong, we would never reach our destination. We need to keep moving, one step at a time

 And then the moment of truth. An hour into my walk I come upon this. Another bridge with a yellow tape across it. This immediately seems like a symbol to turn back.

What was I to do? I had been walking for close to an hour now. And although I had no idea if the way forward would bring me closer to my destination the thought of turning back now seemed daunting to me. Plus I am not one for following arbitrary rules.

I think it is like that with our spiritual and religious journey as well. We get so far and then we societal conventions or rules tell us to stop and go no further.

I chose to move forward. I looked carefully and saw there was a hole in the wood further on the bridge. So I decided to look as the yellow tape as a warning. Something telling me not to abandon my search, but to go slowly and be careful. So I gently stepped over the tape and walked gently over the bridge avoiding the pitfalls that could damage me. A good message that we do not always have to go full charge ahead. That we should be aware of the dangers we face on our journey. I was glad that someone had forewarned me to be careful in this place. How we view things are often shaped by what we believe and perceive. I saw the yellow tape as stop go back, but it was meant as a way to help make me aware of danger. We should not stop our journey, but rather  become more mindful of the steps we take, and learn from those who have walked this path before.

And not too much farther down the path, it opened up again to the sight of the monastery I was staying in. This gave me hope I was in the right direction. Yet there was still not a straight path. I had to choose right or left. Remembering the mind game I played before and feeling bad that I connoted left with a negative thought and thinking of all my friends who are left handed who would condemn that thought, I chose to turn left and started the steep incline back up the hill to the place I call home this weekend.

 

 

And lo and behold, as I made it to the top of the path, I found myself next to the path that went down to the lake (notice the statue in the background) This path was right by my hermitage, but I had not even seen it. And so I made it back to where I started. I am reminded of the lines from the T.S. Eliots poem “Four Quartets”

“What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from.”

I don’t know where this journey will continue to lead, but I am clearly still on the path. Yearning for something still unknown. Still looking for the better in humanity, Still looking for justice. Perhaps we just need to become more aware and not take the proscribed path and take a walk into the unknown, if we can awake and see that it is there. Sometimes we have to go all the way around the block to go next door. If that is what it takes, so be it. And enjoy the journey along the way. Ok, back to reading.

Thanks for journeying with me.