Meanderings on Retreat Day 2 - Settling In.

January 28th
So I think it shows that sometimes you just have to ask for what you need. There is wi-fi, I just didn’t look in the right place. So now that I have it, I am not sure that I want to use it!!  Not.  Meditation this morning was deep, as deep as I have experienced in a while.  Part of it is the setting.  A very reverential zendo just for the purpose of meditating. It is why I like to meditate in the sanctuary. It is a place of reverence.  Meditating with people who have a deep commitment to it also I think lends an gravity to the moment.  I will need to ask for a chair as my knees just cannot hold up for the whole week.

I found out they had a labyrinth and walked it this morning. Always a powerful experience for me.  This one they have let the grass grow up throughout it, so in some places it is not so easy to see which direction to turn.  It is interesting to think about having to look down right in front of you and look carefully with each step that you take.  Sometimes on other more cleared labyrinths you can look ahead and see which way the trail turns.  It is interesting to think about that in relationship with our vision for the future.  Sometimes it is easy to look ahead and see which way to go.  Sometimes though you have to put one foot in front of the other and trust that the path is laid out correctly. And when there is a sudden turn you must have your head down looking for it and see it and turn or you will trip. Always a good lesson.

In the afternoon Zazen sitting, we faced the wall. This is one difference in Soto Zen vs. Vipassana or Thich Naht Han Mindfulness Meditation.  On the one hand I feel more of a connection with others if we are all facing each other.  On the other hand, well I am not so sure about the other hand. (Tevya where are you) I think on the other hand, I am less self conscious facing the wall, for I know if someone else looks, they will not see my imperfect form (Soto Zen is much more into form than Vispassana and I want to respectful to the setting I am in).   So being less self conscious (not that I REALLY am, just hypothesizing) it allows me to go deeper. That’s all I got?

 I am doing more meditation in a condensed time than I normally do.  The sitting is about 40 minutes.  I normally sit 30 minutes in the morning myself, and in our Sangha, we have two 20 minute sits. I liked sitting for the longer time period. It gave me some time to settle in.  Plus it was also good not being the leader of the group.  I enjoyed being able to just let that go. Yes, letting go into emptiness,a key message of Zen.


July 29th

Now on my second full day here, I am feeling quite relaxed and peaceful. It took 2 days to shed the weight of my  world off my mind.  I am not worried about what happened yesterday, or what might happen tomorrow or even next week when I return, but I am here very present in the moment, just writing and reading and contemplating life. It is a simple existence here.  Life here is built to be simple. I like it. I don’t even miss tv. (Although I admit, I checked the score of the Mets game on my phone). When things are simple it is easier to see what is real, what is important and what is imagination run amok. The real question is how long can I maintain this feeling when I am back from retreat. It will require the discipline of practice every day.  It is a way of life I strive to live (of course we shouldn’t strive in Buddhist thought). So day by day, one foot in front of the other.